Ripple
by Flames of the Sun
Summary: A long bundle of mahogany hair, fastened together at one end with a simple black hair tie. A perfectly shaped heart drawn in Bella's blood. A single note. 'In loving memory of James.'
1. Prolouge ::Regret::

Hey, ya'll! For those of you who care or know what I'm talking about, just know that I'm still going to finish Emeralds, but I'm wrestling with some writer's block. Cliche, I'm thinking may not make it... but this story is something I'm definentely going to keep at. I'm excited!!

Happy Summer, btw!

Disclaimer: Am I Stephanie Meyer? Two words: _I wish._

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_Ripple_

Prologue:Fall:

_How did it come to this? _

My face is wet (**Always **raining, it's **too wet**, it's too **green. **I_ hate _**Forks**.). Absurdly, I'm embarrassed. It's not just tears that stain me (stained, ripped, tarnished, defiled, **D**_I_**R**_T_**Y**) there's snot from my nose and blood from my wounds and rain from the sky (**Still raining? **_**Always**_** raining­­)**.

It was raining when **he** left.

There was pride when **he** left. There was dignity (at least, for **him** to see) when **he** left. Silent tears. Mourning in stillness. Alone in the wilderness. My soul _(died)_ quietly. I was… unworthy of **him**. I. _Made_. **Him**. _**Dirty**_.

It was raining when _he_left.

_He_ was different. My last hope (Anchored to **h** _u_ **m** _a_** n** _i_** t** _y_). I wept for _him_. I begged for _him_. No dignity… I gave him e-_vry_-**thing** I had. I begged for _him_… tears and rain and snot and cries and tears and (_"Don't give up on me!"_).

I hate Forks.

It's raining now, and all I can do is pray he's left me. I hope he dies. I wish I had killed him. I wish _**he**_had kept me. _I wish I had __**jumped**_. It was raining when I tried, raining when he stopped me. Raining the first time I let him kiss me (**RENEWAL**/_SURVIVAL_/**B**_E_**T**_R_**A**_Y_**A**_L_), raining when I gave him the first remaining piece of my shattered heart.

It's _always_ **fucking** _raining_.

And now, he'll go back to her. He will bow and snivel and I **know** what he will say. "I did it, my Angel. The girl is dead. I fucked her up good, just for you." She'll want my blood. He'll just smirk. He stuck a handkerchief in the wound before he left. "Would I forget, Victoria?" She'll kill him (I **hope** it's _slow_). She'll send **him** the blood. She'll _**think**_ she sent him pain. She'll just make him _dir_-ti-**er**.

So dark so dark. So wet wet wet. I don't want to die. I didn't want to die. There is nothing left for me. I can't anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. If I die, will I leave part of myself **h**_e_**r**_e_? Some with **him**, some with _him_? More tears, more rain. Because I made a promise. Because the rest of them need me. I can't leave them like this. Too much. I will never break them the way _**he**_ broke me.

My arm is screaming. He broke my wrist. I broke my wrist, fighting back. There is safety in my grasp, I stole it from him (_May he __rot__ in __**hell**_.). I bite my lips (more blood, so wet). I don't want to live. I don't want to go on. I don't want to die. I can't die. It keeps raining.

Choose.

("Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?")

("My name is… Isabella Swan… please help me…") I breathe.

_How did it come to this?_

Continue if you dare!!

But seriously, keep reading...

And review too, if you please!

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	2. Chapter 1 ::Memorial::

Chapter 1 :Memorial:

"_We're going back to Forks. We will arrive by sundown."_

I glanced out of my window, silently. The only sound to be heard in the Audi was the muted purr of the engine and my solitary voicemail message. The sun had set the sky on fire with its radiance, almost as if it wanted to dazzle the world before it slipped away. As if to say, _Don't forget me while I am away…._ My grip tightened on the steering wheel and I cursed once again how far away I had gone this time. I played the message again.

"_We're going back to Forks. We will arrive by sundown." _

Carlisle's voice was different. It was too stern, too final, not the gentle chidings and suggestions. Carlisle did not make orders, not when it came to her. It made me uneasy. It meant more than just that Alice missed her. My family knew something that I did not.

How else could they do this to me— to her? Did they even understand what they were proposing? What kind of work and suffering they were threatening to just throw away? Did they know how _hard_ it was to walk away from her? Did they think that I tore myself from her embrace on a mere _whim_?

I resisted the urge to take my frustration out on the car. I was forced to consciously loosen my grip on the steering wheel, to make myself breathe despite the fury. Of course, it would be simple enough to make it to Forks on foot, but it would certainly cause people to wonder. They would have arrived by now. People may have seen them, without me. For me to simply appear would raise questions.

Besides that, I had become reasonably fond of the car. It was my only possession that held absolutely no trace of her. The Volvo, _her_ Volvo, had been abandoned long ago, mere days after I left her. Those days and nights had been the hardest, when the pain was fresh and unexpected and my mind was unaccustomed to the idea of _never_ returning. It was unbearable; the way that every time I thought I had a handle on the pain, the unshakable concept that I would see her once Charlie was asleep would seep into my mind. And time did not ease the pain. I actually think… it got worse.

And there lay the real cause of my fury. I had known for months that my resolve was beginning to crumble with my sanity. The 'why' behind my leaving was getting lost in the shadow of the realization that I had _left _her and that I would _never_ see her again and that she would belong to a man other than me. I was angry because my family had thrown away the last of my waning determination. How could I leave, once I heard her beating heart, how could I leave her again?

"Damn!" My fist flew out in the space of a single moment. The next moment my window was gone, the glass strewn across the highway behind me. I was frozen in anger for an immeasurable amount of time, the sun still throwing its farewell display in the west. "Damn," I repeated, softer this time. "Bella…" Her name was now a mournful lament in my mind.

-!-

_Dry, so dry, fire burning deep in my throat. The thirst was overwhelming, swallowing up the last of my humanity, the last of Edward. Sweet, sweet aroma— had I actually walked away from this? I had smelled it before, had buried my face and inhaled so deeply against the skin that emitted that mind-consuming scent. My memories could not even compare to the real thing, the scent itself! And the scent could not be anything to the taste of the blood on my swollen, parched tongue. And more— was I imagining that I could feel the very texture of the blood, thick and smooth as liquid silk, true ambrosia. Had I truly let such a gift walk away? Had I given it up just so I could enjoy the __**company**__ of the being that housed it? But it was mine! The blood was mine, and if __**she **__was all that stood in my way—_

My breathing stopped. I took in my surroundings frantically. I had no memory of getting out of the car after I opened the door. I had no memory of dropping into the feral crouch I was frozen in. My left hand was clenched into the dirt, whether in determination to stay my ground or in eagerness to attack, I did not know anymore. All I remembered was reigning in the monster.

I should have fed before coming.

This is what two years away from her had done to me. I was no more than the demon she encountered in Biology class. I had no more control than I had then. I was so much less then I was then. How ready— no, how _eager_ I had been, to dispose of the life that was tied to the blood. Her blood.

Wait, her_ blood?_

My eyes went wide, and I was tempted to draw in air to confirm what I knew could not be right. But I knew better. "Carlisle?" I wheezed with the last of my breath. Something was wrong— I should not have been able to smell her blood so clearly. _'My blood,'_ something dark, buried inside of me insisted. I swallowed, trying to relieve the burning in my throat.

'_Edward.'_ Carlisle's thoughts were quiet and direct. As always, any errant thoughts that I may have heard were guarded, though it seemed to me that they were marshaled much more rigidly than they used to be. _'Son—"_

'_Edward! Oh, he's back! Edward, why did you go so far?' _Esme's silent voice was distraught and elated all in one. Her excitement easily drowned out whatever somber message Carlisle had for me. She appeared, breathlessly, in the doorway of the house and then, before I could register anything, I was in her arms. The force of her hug forced the very last of my air from my chest. I inhaled on instinct before I could stop myself.

_Amazing, the way my need for her blood is literally a physical pain. It is, in a way, convenient. I can lust for her life, and pay for the sin in one simple action. The blood is stronger here, it clings to Esme— did she steal the blood? My blood? The idea of eliminating the competition seeps, like a venom, into my mind. All I would really have to do is lean closer into her embrace, lay a kiss on her neck…and all of the blood will be __**mi**__—_

"No!"

I jerked out of Esme's grasp and shoved her away a little less gently than I normally would have. I could hear my own growls and snarls reverberating in my head. They mixed with Esme's confused and alarmed thoughts and Carlisle's quiet cautions. It was all too much, too aggravating after my months of solitude. My patience broke. My eyes, I knew were hard and black.

"What is that?" My voice came out as a snake-like hiss. "Why do you smell like that? Like her?" I spat. My mind was reeling. I would regret taking that tone with my mother later. Esme had become a statue, her face frozen in apprehension. Carlisle glided to her side and laid a hand on her elbow, drawing her slightly behind him. A wave of shame shook my mind from its angry haze. My father was protecting my mother from me. But Carlisle brought more of the scent with him, made it stronger. I ground my teeth together.

"Easy, Edward. Control it," Carlisle murmured. I swear I could feel every muscle in my body straining from the stress. Had she always smelled this way? How had I ever been in her true presence, where the warmth of her blood and the jump of her pulse would have made it so much harder? A muted growl of frustration was slipping past my defenses.

"Why," I began slowly, "do you and Esme smell like Bella's blood?" Neither of them answered. Their thoughts had gone surreally quiet and I suddenly realized that they were the only thoughts that I could hear. "Where are the others?" I asked, distracted. And part of me was hoping to show them that I was in some way control of myself. Carlisle clenched his jaw. I had never seen him so far from his usual calm.

"Emmett and Jasper are taking care of Rosalie and Alice. They are both… very upset," he told me. Silence. Esme suddenly looked as if she would cry if she could. In both of their minds, I could see in exactly what kind of state my sisters were in. I cringed.

"What happened?" I swallowed. "And why do you smell like blood?" I rasped, insistently. Carlisle's eyes darkened and he gave Esme a significant look. She frowned and nodded, disappeared, and appeared again, this time holding a small cardboard box. My throat exploded in pain and the monster reared up again, but I clamped down on the instinct immediately. My fears outranked the demon inside easily. I reached out to take the box from Esme. My hands were shaking as I pulled it open. Her scent was so strong, bringing back memories that tore me apart.

A long bundle of mahogany hair, fastened together at one end with a simple black hair tie. A note written on a half sheet of paper in a perfectly-shaped heart drawn in blood. A pair of blood-soaked underwear. The note slipped through my stunned fingers and fluttered to the ground, flashing its cruel message over and over and over.

'_In loving memory of James.'_


	3. Chapter 2 ::Vision::

**Quick A/N:** Okay, a few points. 1) This is a Bella-Never-Jumped Fic, so we're working in an alternate timeline here. 2)I know in Chapter 1, I said it had been one year since Edward left. I changed my mind. It's two now.

Thank you to all of my reviewers! You guys are awsome!

_Disclaimer_: Nope. Not Stephanie Meyer. If I were I would have read Breaking Dawn by now... sigh...

GO TEAM EDWARD!

(Oh, and another quick note. It's really hard to make up a system to know what Edward is hearing and what is actually happening and what is a memory he is hearing or what, so in general,

_(this in parenthesis is a memory or perhaps a vision Alice is having)_

_'These are the thoughts of others.'_

_"This is Edward speaking for... wolves. I was gonna be sneaky and say something vauge, but it's 3:00 in the morning."_

Once again, all of that is in general. I'm pretty sure I made it really clear.)

Chapter 2 :Vision:

"—_those of you unaware, Isabella, or Bella, is enrolled as a sophomore at the University of Washington. She was, for almost a year, engaged to lifelong friend, Jacob Black, but their engagement recently was called off. She moved to Forks, Washington her junior year of high school and graduated with honors and a full scholarship. There has been some inquiry about a period in Bella's life about a year after she arrived in Forks. Her medical records and the personal accounts of friends paint a disturbing picture of catatonia and depression, even suicidal tendencies during this period, one that has, in the past weeks, caused some to question whether or not Bella's disappearance has been an abduction or an unstable girl running away from home. Recent evidence, however, has caused police to rule out this possibility. _

_Audiences should be advised that this story is not suitable for young viewers or those of weak constitutions. It was today at approximately eight o'clock this morning that that a package was delivered to this station. Contained within the package in question were several pictures, all of which have been deemed much too graphic for public television, but depicted a young woman who has been confirmed as Isabella Swan in various states of undress, and seemingly severely beaten. There was no note, nor was there a return address. Once again, we would like to caution audiences that the following content is not for the faint of heart. _

_The search for Bella is now rounding out its fourth week. She was abducted from her home in Forks, Washington where she was visiting her father, Chief Charlie Swan for the weekend. Chief Swan was killed in the abduction, his body burned, though sloppily. Coroners were surprised to find that Chief Swan's body had been drained of shocking amounts of blood, a fact at odds with the lack of blood evidence at the scene. Police suspect that Chief Swan died of blood loss in a different location and was dumped near the house and burned quickly. The last person who claims to have seen or spoken to Bella is her ex-fiancée, Jacob Black. He claims that Bella left his home at the La Push reservation late in the evening. Mr. Black was the first to discover the remains of Chief Swan's body and report Bella's disappear—"_

"Turn it off."

I was just realizing the kind of mentality I had been holding on to regarding Bella. I had known, had fully understood and even hoped for (to a certain extent) that Bella would move on. But it never occurred to me that she would become someone different— someone I did not know. I had never thought to imagine her high school graduation. Had it been just as generic and dull as every other high school graduation ceremony had been? Had she tripped on her way to retrieve her diploma?

And this… _child_ who deemed himself good enough to _be _with her. I had known(and dreaded) from the moment I left that eventually Bella would belong to someone else. I even anticipated it, to a point. I never saw his face, or any piece of him, really. All I ever saw was Bella happy, with perhaps a child that looked like her and no one else. It was very different having a name. It forced a face into my mind's eye. I remembered Jacob Black. He was a child and nothing more.

In my mind, it was like Bella had been trapped in time. But in reality, Bella had grown, changed, and (a part of me could not help thinking) left me behind.

"How did you know?"

My family, with the exception of Alice, was assembled, posed and grouped in a morbid statue display. Jasper was unhappy being away from Alice's side. He felt that she was still too fragile, too upset to be alone, without him. But she had all but ordered him away. Rosalie was perched, stiff and unmoving, on the very edge of the couch. She stared straight ahead, in my direction, but never quite meeting my gaze or focusing upon anything in particular. Emmett was standing behind her, his hand on her shoulder. He alone was moving minutely, his thumb moving in circles over Rosalie's collar bone. Esme was seated on the arm of the recliner that she had directed me into herself. She did not touch me, but her presence was comforting, more comforting than I would have expected. Carlisle alone stood in the center of the living room, as always keeping the peace.

To my surprise, it was Esme who began, her lilting voice at odds with her solemn tone. "We came back because we saw the news this morning," she murmured. "This is the second or third time they've ran it today. Alice had been acting strangely for some time before we saw the story. I believe she had been contemplating disobeying you orders and looking for Bella's future. But Charlie's death was too suspicious. It was a vampire attack, we're sure."

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "We left you that message and made our way back immediately. Alice was having problems seeing Bella, she believes because she had lost touch with her… mental imprint, we'll say. But once we reached the house and found _that_ on the front porch…"

"Alice's consciousness exploded with visions of Bella," Jasper interrupted in a whisper. "She's been in and out of them since we stepped out of the car. And each one sent her deeper into hysteria. Luckily, I was able to calm her down, somewhat. She's focusing on staying in the present for now."

I nodded almost imperceptibly. My mind was racing with too many separate tracks of thought running simultaneously. One of them burst to an end suddenly. "Jacob Black… is related to Eiaphram Black." I glanced up for some sort of affirmation. I found it in Carlisle's mind. "I want to speak to the wolves." Carlisle nodded.

"The meeting has already been arranged. We have an hour before we are expected. The pack has a new alpha, Sam Uley. He is grudgingly eager to have our help, though would not—"

"Be careful, Edward."

I blinked and Jasper had disappeared. I turned knowingly toward the stairs where Alice had silently emerged. I had not been prepared for the sight of her, though. The dark shadows that we all normally bore under our eyes were too dark, made even darker by her too pale face. Her eyes were black stones and her face was blank. I had never experienced an Alice so devoid of animation. There was something strange about the way her mind sounded, somehow deliberate and scattered all at once. I would have been more intrigued by it had it not been for her statement.

Jasper stood on a lower step, pressing his forehead to her temple, hoping to calm her. "How don't have to be down here. How do you feel?" he breathed in a muted voice. Alice grimaced.

"I can't see them, remember? The wolves I mean. It's the same feeling as—" Alice stopped suddenly then, her gaze flickering to me and away. She may have been able to stop from saying it out loud, but her thoughts continued anyway. _'— when I tried to see Bella. Oh, shit, Edward, don't be angry.'_

My eyes narrowed instantly. My thoughts flew to my earlier anger, that my family, Alice in particular, had dared to go against me and, indirectly, put her in danger. She would _never_ be in danger. That had been my last promise to her, her last promise to me before I left. "You went _looking_—" I began furiously, but Jasper's sharp growl cut me off. I shot him a glare that he returned stonily. He would not allow me to speak like that to Alice while she was so weak, or so he thought in my direction. I snarled, my nerves stretched thin and happy for an outlet. "The day you _allow_ me to do _anything, _Jasper, is—"

"_Boys!"_ Esme interjected firmly, though she was looking mostly at me. Alice had taken hold of Jasper's wrist and was giving him a pleading look, effectively silencing him. The stress that lurked behind her eyes sobered me, and I regretted my anger toward her. It suddenly occurred to me, the exact feel of her thoughts. There was something that she refused to think about, and it had nothing at all with trying to keep it from me. There was something that Alice was desperate to distract herself from. I scrubbed at my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"I'm sorry," I said, without moving my hands. As I spoke the words, however, they seemed to take on a double meaning. I set my jaw against the pain and set my hands in my lap, looking up into Alice's eyes. "Really." Alice studied me momentarily before giving me a slight nod. She took Jasper's hand and slipped gracefully down the stairs and onto the couch beside Rosalie. "Go on with what you were saying," I urged, suddenly intrigued as her words registered in my mind.

Alice bit her bottom lip-- a pang of recognition and longing shot through me. It was obvious whom she had gotten that habit from-- and drew her knees up to her chest. Jasper responded by lifting her slight body and depositing her in his lap. This alone spoke volumes about Jasper's worry for her. Jasper and Alice had never been prone to public displays of affection. They were usually content with closeness; it was all they needed to know the love they shared for one another. Now, Jasper's hand was smoothing up and down Alice's arm and his thoughts were clouded and scrambled with worry. He had _never_ felt these kinds of intense negative emotions from her. He was exhausting himself, trying to counteract them.

"I… broke the rules," Alice whispered, suddenly looking up to meet my eyes. To my surprise, she looked miserable with herself, genuinely upset at disobeying me. That wasn't Alice. With the way that Alice viewed life, half way into a future that no one else knew anything about, rarely was she remorseful for going against someone. "I didn't mean to… to…" she trailed off, her mind betraying the lack of words to describe her guilt. Her eyes suddenly went wide. "But you don't understand how _hard_ it's been!" Her voice broke and Jasper winced. Her words began to tumble over one another in a way in which only Alice could achieve. "I loved her too! She was _my_ friend too! She was my best friend and I had to just _leave_ without saying goodbye and then you left too and Rosalie and Emmett wanted to go off by themselves, but Esme wouldn't let them and Esme was _miserable_ too and _everyone _was gone or leaving, making decisions and changing their minds and I didn't know anything for sure anymore and I was scared that—" Alice broke off suddenly, and buried her face in her knees. Jasper had stilled under her. He lowered his face, peering into a gap between her arms and her face.

"What were you afraid of?" he asked slowly. Alice's body tensed and she seemed to shrink. Once again, her mind whispered the answer to me.

"She was afraid the family would break up and she would be alone." As always, I edited. I left out the haunting thoughts of the darkness that was all she knew of her human life. I left out her fear of that darkness returning. Jasper looked at her for a long moment and then kissed the top of her head. He breathed something directly into her ear too quietly for any of us to hear. What ever is was, it made Alice give a sniffly kind of laugh and uncurl slightly. She was looking down towards the carpet as she continued.

"Anyway, I just wanted to get a peek at her. I was worried that I was forgetting the way that she sounded. But I just… couldn't. It was like Bella's future just wasn't there anymore. I wasn't sure if she was dead, though, because I feel like I would see that, whether I'm looking for it or not. I was worried, but I didn't say anything… I didn't want to stress everyone out even more," she admitted sheepishly. "Anyway, now that I have everything in perspective, and I can't see the meeting with the wolves, now I can see how identical it is. I know Bella isn't a werewolf, but if she had tied her future very closely to a werewolf, perhaps by deciding to marry one, it would have the same effect, right?"

Stunned silence met Alice's conclusion. Esme bit her lip. "What exactly are you saying, Alice?" she whispered, though she knew just as plainly as the rest of us did. Alice gave a wan, bitter smile.

"I'm saying that Jacob Black, Bella's ex-fiancee was a werewolf and therefore, Edward needs to be very careful."

-!-

Even before the wolves got to the clearing, I knew which one was Jacob Black.

The pack's thoughts centered around him as soon as they crossed our scent. They cautioned, warned him, encouraged him. _Mind your temper, Jacob. Keep cool, Jake. Don't screw this up. _Their heads were filled with images, memories of this Jacob Black's devotion to Bella. They all seemed sure that Jacob would snap under the strain. He was sure to attack _'That Cullen'_ as they referred to me before he could actually think about it. None of them were, of course, adverse to this idea. I deserved what I got for being what I was, and for _'doing that to Bella'_. But my death would break the treaty.

That was the first time I saw, through others, the Bella I had left behind. Again, my imagined, forever-the-way-I-left-her Bella paled in comparison, but this time in sadness and in pain. While I knew that her love for me wasn't— _couldn't be—_ as intense or lasting as my own for her, I had expected Bella to grieve me. She had said she loved me, after all. That had to have meant something. But what I had seen in my imagination had been the tears of a teenage girl. They had been dramatic and full of hurt, but ultimately healing for her. They allowed her to let me go and let herself go and she eventually ran out of tears and found someone else to be happy with.

In Jacob's mind I saw the truth. I saw her, (_catatonic and unresponsive. For afar, her face turned down, her arms hugged tight around herself. Her expression twisted in agony from a nightmare, calling my name. Tears staining her face, her body bowed in our meadow. Raised on her toes, perched on a high cliff top, ready to jump—)_

"Welcome. We appreciate your coming."

I was spared anymore of Jacob's memories by Carlisle. As always, he stood at the head of our family. I was by his side, seeing as the wolves refused to come as humans. I had wondered how they had expected to communicate this way, until I heard their scorning thoughts branding me as the 'mind reading bloodsucker'. They knew about Jasper and Alice too. I could hear them remembering Bella's voice as she remembered us. They remembered fondly the way she used to insist on our being referred to by our names instead of this or that bloodsucker. They remembered when these corrections slowly began to fade away.

"_Bella was one of us. We are grateful for any help you may offer."_ I had forgotten how strange it was to speak for another, through their mind. I had forgotten a lot of things.

Emmett barely suppressed a growl by my side and Rosalie took his hand. _'Bella __**is**__ one of __**us**__!'_ he shouted in his mind. I gave him a half a second before it came out of his mouth. "Of course," I rushed to say softly, and turned to give Emmett a look. He growled again, quieter.

"We wish to speak to Bella's… former fiancée. Jacob Black?" Carlisle said carefully and after a hesitation that seemed to encompass the entire group, Jacob Black stepped forward.

The wind picked up suddenly and the trees rustled. We had picked a mostly nameless place in forest the surrounded Forks for our meeting. As always, the greenery and all the moss muted sounds slightly, giving the meeting a dead kind of feel. How fitting. The moon was full.

He was almost the biggest of them all, save their alpha, and strangely enough, shaggiest too. He was covered in reddish brown fur with hard, black eyes. His mind told stories of holding Bella when she cried, of nursing her back to humanity after I had left her shattered. There were prominent memories of shared afternoons, of kisses on First Beach. And there were more intimate nights that he tried to skirt away from. There was a wave, a pure wall of memory and of feeling all for Isabella Swan, and he was subconsciously screaming it all at me, trying to prove himself, his love, to what the animal inside of him saw as a threat on his territory.

And yet, there was constantly the thought of _her_.

Her name was, ironically enough, Victoria. He called her Vikki, with two 'k's. That was imperative.

"Did Bella know about Victoria? The human."

Snarls erupted in the clearing, first theirs and then my family's in defense of me. One of the wolves, the one called Paul, paced a step forward, but was halted by the alpha. Strangely, the smell of wet dog seemed to swell in the clearing with their anger and ours. Jacob, however, merely became very still and attempted to stare me down.

'_Do you really want to go there, Bloodsucker?'_ he thought toward me. I did not relate it out loud to my family. I nodded stiffly. _'Why do you even care? Why are you and your filthy family back here, pretending that you care what your kind did to Bella?'_

I could hear Bella's voice, nothing but a phantom, a memory. _("So, you see, they're never coming back, not for me, at least. He looked me right in the eye and told me. He said he didn't want me anymore. He doesn't love me anymore. It wasn't anything personal and it was a surprise, but I think I knew it was coming all along. I've always known that I'm not enough to hold him. And I never will be…")_

I narrowed my eyes. "Stop it," I snapped. I felt my hand clutching my chest, where a curious pain had flared suddenly.

"_Bella knew about my imprinting. I told her the night she was taken."_

_(Bella was crying, shaking, sobbing. She had both of her hands around one of Jacob's wrists. "Please, Jacob, don't-t give up on me! I'm trying— so— h-hard. Please!")_

I broke from the memory and halted my growling. I had to focus. "We have reason to believe that Victoria, the female vampire, took Bella."

"_We know,"_ Sam 'said', _"Her scent was all over Bella's house and on Charlie's body. It was she who killed him."_

"_Is Bella still alive?"_ The sandy-colored, gangly wolf toward the end of the formation broke in. Trepidation colored his thoughts. His sister, a gray wolf dwarfed by all of the others, scorned him. I closed my eyes.

"She is," Alice murmured. Her voice was dead and I could hear her concentrating on leaving the past and future where they were. "She is," she whispered again, more to herself. "I've seen that much."

"Were you, perhaps, able to follow Bella's scent anywhere significant?" Carlisle asked. They hadn't. I clenched my jaw, suddenly angry. I had been wrong. There was nothing here, no information that would help me find her. I should have known that. I didn't have time for mistakes.

"Carlisle." I gave my father a significant look. He nodded in return.

"I believe that we've learned all that we need to. Thank you for meeting us here. You know how to contact us. We'll keep you updated on what we learn. Thank you again." There was an awkward moment, each party neither wanting to turn their back nor knowing exactly how to back down. But it was brief. I was eager to leave Jacob Black and all of ways Bella no longer belonged to me far behind. It was no time at all before I was running. I could hear my family in my wake. I slowed my pace slightly. There was, after all, not much I could accomplish by getting home before them. They knew more than I did at this point. It was not long before Alice had caught up with me, the others still a ways off. For a few minutes, she was quiet, simply running companionably by my side.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly. "For blaming you before. I had kept that inside for a long time. I was just venting. I didn't mean to—"

Strangely enough, things between Alice and I had always been along one of two extremes. We were usually either completely against each other, or we were simultaneous in our coordination.

We simultaneously fell.

"Alice! Edward!"

_(She was beautiful even now. Her skin had gotten paler and it almost shone in the few sheaths of moonlight that filtered down through the treetops. Milky, pale, tantalizing, yes, but it was marred by red and purple and blue. Bruises peppered her body and naked as she was, I felt as though I could trace every one. He turned her on her side and I caught a glimpse of what looked like the edge of a burn. I wouldn't have seen it at all had her hair been as long as it had been.)_

"Alice, sweetheart, listen. What do you see?"

Vaguely, subconsciously, I registered Alice across from me, shaking her head frantically. Her hands were clamped down over her ears and it suddenly occurred to me that I had mirrored her position. I couldn't endure Bella's screams ringing in my head for much longer. "Bella!" I croaked desperately.

"He's hurting her!" Alice whimpered. "Please, just stop. Please, just leave her alone!"

_(I wish I couldn't have seen his face. But I could in startling detail. He looked to be about forty-five, the kind that could pass for thirty. His hair was light brown and he was well-groomed. I barely caught a glimpse of his light green eyes before he had closed them, throwing his head back in ecstasy. Bella was screaming. Her small, delicate hands had become fists and she was pounding with all of her might on any part of him she could reach. As if it were nothing, he reached up and took hold of her wrists, pinning them on either side of her head. One of them looked broken.)_

"They're in the forest. He— he's on top of her. She's crying. She's trying to fight him, but she's too weak. He c-climaxed…" Her voice cracked.

_(He crushed his mouth over hers as his entire body convulsed. Tears leaked from Bella's eyes, shut tight. "Ah, princess, I'm gonna miss the way you fuck…" He ducked his head to run his tongue over her throat, her shoulder, kissed her breast. He pulled away and quickly pulled out of her. Bella's cry of pain echoed sharply in my head. He smirked. "Disappointed? What, didn't you finish?" Bella did not reply. His brow furrowed and then relaxed as he leaned down again, pressing his body along hers. "Say that you did. Tell me you liked it," he commanded huskily.)_

"She spat at him. He grabbed her wrist and tw— ah!" The sound came of Alice slapping her hands back over her ears. It suddenly occurred to me that Esme was holding me tightly, whispering in my ear. She was lying. It wouldn't be all right. It would never again be all right. It had stopped being all right the day I left her huddled in the forest.

_("Stupid bitch. Good riddance." The knife was not large or intimidating at all. It was short, only about four inches, with a plain black handle. But it was sharp. The blade reflected Bella's blood all too well.) _


	4. Chapter 3 ::Guardian::

Hi, guys! I know this is kinda too little, too late, but this fic is rated M for mature situations... like that one last chapter...

Disclaimer: Don't own. Just wish

* * *

Chapter 3 :Guardian:

How could something so broken and fragile, look so beautiful?

Her skin was too much like ours, though, where ours was a milky, snow-like pallor, Bella's skin was chalky pale tinged green and splotched in purple bruises. Her chocolate hair had been cut away roughly and now brushed down to the middle of her neck. She was thinner than I ever could have imagined her. Her collarbone jutted out sharply from her shallowly moving chest. Her face was not the smooth, calm mask that I remembered, that I had seen so many nights. Her pain seemed permanently branded upon her face, even as she slept.

"Her injuries range wildly from mild to severe. Luckily, she's stabilized as nicely as we could hope, under the circumstances. I have to say, though, Carlisle, whoever took her and did all of _that_ is one sick bastard."

I could hear the conversation between Carlisle and the female doctor whose name I had not bothered to catch as clear as day, despite their hushed tones. They were, however, only just outside the door. With no small amount of vampiric charm and some manipulation from Jasper, Carlisle had convinced the hospital to recognize him as Bella's guardian. Renee and Phil had apparently gone missing two days after setting out from Jacksonville immediately after hearing about the situation. No one had seen them, no bodies had been found. They couldn't even find their car.

I reached out to adjust the pile of heated blankets the staff had heaped upon Bella. Alice was seated on the other side of the bed, her head resting over Bella's stomach, holding her hand. I'd have thought she was asleep if I hadn't known better.

"What do you mean specifically when you say 'that'," Carlisle asked solemnly. The female doctor sighed.

"There are the passive things. She's severely underweight and dehydrated. It's probably due to this that she caught the hypothermia waiting for paramedics to find her in those god-forsaken woods. That's the best of it though, the most easily treated. Carlisle, Isabella is _covered_ in bruises. She has multiple deep stab wounds and slashes and an area over her heart with a multitude of shallow cuts. 'Severely beaten' is the term some of my colleagues are tossing around, but they're wrong. This is nothing short of _torture_. Broken wrist, broken forearm, and—" The doctor broke off, her distress evident in her voice.

"Go on."

"She's been branded. Probably with a lighter or match or something. Second degree burns, shaped into the words _'Mate for Mate'_ on her lower back. And, of course, her most dire injury, the slashes to her wrists." The doctor's voice was tense with her anger and revulsion.

Carlisle paused to consider. Forever keeping up with his careful charade, he asked, "Though I would never expect it of Bella, is there any way that the cuts on her wrists were self-inflicted?" He knew the answer, of course. Both Alice and I had seen that bastard take both of her hands in turn and slash into them viciously. I could see the female doctor shaking her head by the middle of Carlisle's question.

"No, it isn't likely. If one were to cut his or her own wrist, the cut would go from the outside in. It's natural and allows for more power and control. Isabella's wounds, on the other hand, moved from the inside out, as if someone had pulled her wrists to them and cut." There was a rustling of papers and the doctor growled. Her thoughts revealed just how disgusted and angry she was about the brutalization Bella had endured. I found myself approving of her. She would take care of my— of Bella.

"There's something else, Holly?" Carlisle prodded, in response to her look. Dr. Holly nodded and shuffled some more papers.

"As Isabella's guardian, we need your consent to perform a pelvic examination on her, and most likely a rape kit. One of the nurses noticed some hand shaped bruises on her hips and inner thighs. We suspect sexual assault." Carlisle was not fazed, but he frowned dramatically. I frowned too and reached out to stroke her only visible hand, my finger skimming lightly over the tight bandages over her stitches and the IV.

"Of course," he answered. "But, while we are on the subject, there are a few things that we want for Bella while she will be staying here." Even as he spoke, Carlisle was reaching out to me with his mind. _'Edward? I consider Bella to be in you responsibility now. What are your requests?'_

I nodded and began speaking quickly and quietly. "I want a private room for her, of course. I want _no one_ to know that she is at this hospital. They'll know she was found, I'm sure, but not that she's here. And please let them know that I will not be leaving her side. If that is going to be a problem, give them whatever they want. If it's still a problem, please ask for a room I can sneak back into." My fingers did not cease in their caress even as my eyes darkened. I was not worried though. I had never been more in control of the monster inside. Or, at least, that side of it. My temper was in check for the moment, though. There could be no anger here, by her side after two _years_ of agony away from her. No. There was only awe. There was grief, yes. I mourned for what she had suffered through, but I was here again. I would keep her safe, no matter what the cost.

I could hear Carlisle relating my conditions to Dr. Holly and I grew still to hear her answer. She agreed vehemently to keep Bella's exact location a secret. Her attacker was still at large and most likely thought that his victim was dead, she mused. A private room was easy to arrange and she had no problems with Bella being accompanied at all times. She was grateful and relieved for it, actually. My respect for her grew once more.

"I have to go. I need to go and inform the staff of our stance on keeping Bella's exact location a secret until further notice. Hopefully, none of them have sold the story to NBC yet… The private room will be best in keeping her safe. Do you have anymore questions?"

"I only wonder how quickly we can have her settled in her new room," Carlisle answered politely, "but, that isn't as important. Thank you for looking after her, Holly. Bella is as good as my own daughter. I'm glad she will have the best." Dr. Holly's thoughts scrambled and stuttered as Carlisle favored her with a smile. She made her exit quickly then, mumbling something about setting up the room. There was another silence in which my attention turned once more to Bella. Her heartbeats were growing quicker, more panicked. I leaned closer, letting my fingers linger over her forehead, humming her lullaby quietly. I had missed the song almost as much as I had missed her. I had not allowed myself to even think of the tune since I left her. I was a little bit surprised that I remembered it so clearly.

"How is she?"

Carlisle's voice was soft, just as tender as my own would have been. I did not turn to look at him. I had two years to make up for. I couldn't waste any time, rememorizing her features. "She won't stay unconscious for long. Only another—" Alice broke off, her eyes glazing over momentarily. She was back within seconds. "She'll wake up once she's in the private room," she said. She rose gracefully from her seat and went to the window to draw the curtain. The sun was just beginning to lighten the sky, finally ending the longest, cruelest night of my life. Carlisle moved closer to sit in Alice's vacated chair.

"You heard what Holly said?" he questioned, though his tone asked me if I had paid attention. I nodded stiffly once at the same time as Alice. The rage came unbidden and I moved my hands away from her. I wouldn't risk being too close if I wasn't in control.

"I'll kill her for this," I vowed. My voice came out no more than a snake's hiss. Carlisle gave me a sharp look.

"Now isn't the time for revenge, Edward," he said firmly. He lay his hand softly on Bella's forehead. "She will need you more than ever. She'll need all of us. Do not leave her again for revenge." He paused then, considered me.

"No," I said, in response to his thoughts. "I won't— no, I can never leave her again. Not after what it's done to her. And… not after all of the pain it took to walk away the first time. I'm not strong enough. I would rather die than feel that pain again." I managed to tear my gaze from Bella's face as I spoke, looking Carlisle in the face. He only nodded while from the window, Alice gave me the smallest of approving smiles, one that seemed to come from her eyes, but didn't quite reach her lips. Carlisle folded his hands and rested them against his chin, deep in thought.

"I'll speak to the rest of the family once Bella is set up in her room. We'll have to organize a schedule—"

"A schedule? For what?" I interrupted.

"You will not be her sole protection." Carlisle's voice was firm, determined. "Victoria will obviously be expecting Bella to be dead. When she finds out otherwise, and worse, that we have returned to protect her, I expect that she will be quite upset." He glanced my way grimly. "I won't ask you to leave her side, but we will have at least one other of us in the area at all times. Alice, your visions?"

Alice came back to the bed, seating herself toward the foot. "They're back under control now. I'll be able to see any danger," she said.

The door opened suddenly. A thin, nervous-looking intern stuck his head in the door. "Dr. Cullen? Your private room is ready," he mumbled at the linoleum.

-!-

'_Edward, push the call button for the nurse.'_

I glanced up at Alice, who was fussing over a bouquet of flowers by the window. Panic swelled within me sharply. "What? Why? Bella—"

"No, no, Bella's fine, Edward," Alice rushed to say. She moved to push the button herself. "But that doctor said that she wanted to know the minute Bella woke up, right?" My brow furrowed. My mind was a bit clouded at the moment, cluttered with worry for Bella. It was unnatural, watching her sleep when she was so still and so quiet, save the occasional frown.

"But she isn't awake y—"

And then, suddenly, a weak pressure around my hand.

I fully realized then exactly how amazing Isabella Swan was. Because I had thought that I had simply missed her company. I realized I had been wrong. I had missed the warmth, the gentle vulnerability of her touch, her blush, her heartbeat and I'd missed each separately and fiercely. Even though it sometimes brought me pain, I'd missed her scent, delicate and floral and delicious, yes, but special too. And I'd miss the silly way she reacted to me. I'd missed our words, the ones I could only speak to her. I'd missed _'silly Bella'_ and _'I love you.'_ I'd especially missed _'I love you._' I'd missed going out to hunt and rushing through it because I knew there was someone at home who would be unhappy if I was away for too long.

I'd missed _her_.

Bella's eyes were wide, frightened and confused. Her other hand was clutching the blanket so hard that her knuckles stood out paler still. She stared at me, but then her eyes would dart about the room frantically before resting on me and darting away again. I could hear her heart pounding too quickly in her distress and I think she had stopped breathing in shock. As always, her mind was silent and invisible to me. I frowned.

"Bella, sweetheart, it's okay," I murmured soothingly. I leaned closer, my thumb smoothing over her hand. I noticed that that hand too was strained with her effort to hold tightly. She gasped wildly suddenly, and her breath continued to come in quick gasps. "It's all right, Bella," I insisted again.

"Where?" she croaked and then winced. Her throat must have hurt her. "Where am I?" she rasped again. I leaned closer still to shush her, suddenly remembering how my scent used to calm her.

"You're safe, you're safe," I whispered, resting my forehead against her cheek. She grew still under my touch, her breathing evening out just a bit. "You're at the hospital, Bella. You remember calling 911, don't you? You were so strong, so brave. I'm so proud of you. You're okay now. We're going to take care of you, okay? I'm going to take care of you, Bella." I had stopped caring what I said at that point. I just needed to keep talking. Her breathing slowed as I continued to murmur to her, but her grip remained tight. I heard the door open and a nurse asked a question. I heard Alice reassure her and ask that Bella's doctor be found. I didn't much care though. I was still rambling on in that low voice, telling her how happy everyone would be once they came and saw her awake. Her heart had finally slowed when I pulled back.

She was still staring though. She watched me with something like awe and clear disbelief in her gaze. She groaned and passed her other hand over her eyes mumbling something that sounded like 'hallucination' under her breath. By then, Alice had returned, her face positively radiant. She reached out and raked her fingers through Bella's bangs affectionately.

"Oh, Bella," she breathed happily. "I missed you so much!" Bella glanced from her to me and back again. I didn't understand her expression. It almost seemed disappointed.

"Think I've gone fucking crazy," she breathed. She sounded exhausted, on the point of slipping off again. Alice's brow furrowed. "First his voice, then I can actually _see_ him _and_ Alice… suppose I'll be Charlie next." The words had been bitter and fully of anger and misery. My heart wrenched for her and I leaned closer again. Bella closed her eyes tightly. "Bad for me… they're gone and they're never coming back," she whispered. To my horror, a tear slipped out of her closed eyes. Alice gaped.

"No, Bella, no! It _is_ us! You aren't crazy we aren't… we aren't imaginary! We came back for you!" she cried. I could hear her skipping forward in time, searching for the words that would make her believe us, believe _in_ us. "We heard what had happened, to Charlie, to you, on the news. We came back for you, Bella!"

Bella opened her eyes slowly and gazed up at Alice and then at me. Her tears were falling in earnest now. "It'll hurt later if I believe in you." She looked up at me again, a fierceness in her gaze. "I don't care anymore, though," she sighed faintly. The door opened before Alice or I could reply. Dr. Holly stepped in purposely, her multitude of shoulder-length dreadlocks secured in a thick ponytail. Her smooth, chocolate brown face was drawn into a slight smile as she advanced, bringing with her the spicy scent of her blood. Bella gripped my hand tightly as she came closer and I squeezed gently to reassure her.

"Isabella, I'm sure I speak for a lot of people when I say I'm very happy that you're awake. I'm Dr. Holly Cast. I'm your doctor." Her words had been gentle and Bella's death grip on me loosened some. She turned to me then and lowered her voice. "Mr. Cullen, how long has she been awake?"

"Only a few minutes. She was disoriented at first, but we've calmed her down," I answered. Bella started when the doctor spoke to me and I smiled reassuringly at her. Perhaps this would convince her that we were real. "I think she's tired from it though." Dr. Ho— _Cast_— nodded and moved to take Alice's place, murmuring a pardon on the way. She took Bella's hand gently.

"All right, Bella, I have a few questions that I need for you to answer, okay? I know you must be tired, so here's what we'll do. If the answer to my question is yes, I'd like for you to squeeze my hand once. Like this." She squeezed Bella's hand gently. "And if the answer is no, please squeeze twice." She squeezed her hand twice. "Can you do that?" Bella swallowed, shifted slightly, and then winced. She squeezed Dr. Cast's hand once. The doctor's smile was glowing. "Wonderful. Now, Isabella, do you remember your imprisonment?" Bella closed her eyes and I stroked her hand again.

One squeeze.

"I see. Are there any blank spots in your memory? Have you experienced any memory loss at all?"

Two squeezes.

"Did they force you to take any drugs while you were there?"

Two squeezes. "Alcohol," Bella mumbled. Dr. Cast paused to write that down. She hesitated before asking her next question.

"Were you raped while you were there?" she asked with untold gentleness. Bella did not answer for a moment.

Then, there was one squeeze. Dr. Cast sighed, but she was not surprised.

"Do you know how many times?" she asked. Bella shook her head.

"Every day," she breathed. "My back… really hurts," she whimpered suddenly. I fixed Dr. Cast with and expectant look. Her eyes were soft.

"We can increase your pain medication," she answered softly. "I only have one more question, Bella, and then you can rest. We want to give you a pelvic examination, one that can help us catch whoever did this. Carlisle— Dr. Cullen— approves, but we need your express consent." Bella's eyes went wide. She looked toward me, biting her lip. I tried to smile for her again. Her heart was accelerating again, but this time, even Dr. Cast could hear it, connected to the monitor.

"I… I don't want to be… by myself," she whispered.

"That's fine, Bella. If you'd like Edward or Alice could accompany you. There'd be a sheet in place for privacy. All you would have to do was lay back and it'd be over before you knew it." Bella swallowed and winced again. I'd have to ask a nurse for a glass of water for her.

"O-okay."

-!-

"Almost done, darlin'. Now you just keep breathin' deep like that and we'll be through in a jiff."

Bella had my hand in a death grip. I was sure that she was not breathing deeply at all, but actually seemed to be holding her breath. I leaned close again, completely ignoring the tall, lanky nurse who had come in to examine Bella, other than to note Bella's injuries. "Sweetheart," I murmured, "Breathe." Bella kept her eyes shut tight, but she exhaled in a large huff. But her breath was a bit stuttering after that. The nurse began to work a bit more quickly, hearing Bella's distress. With a sigh, I lifted our entwined hands so that the back of Bella's rested on my chest and began to breathe to an exaggeratedly even rhythm. For a moment, nothing happened, and then, slowly, she began to match my pace. Or at least, she made an effort.

"Ow!" she grunted suddenly. "That- that hurt." I stifled the part of me that wanted to snap at the nurse for hurting her. But then she winced again.

"You're hurting her," I said stiffly.

'_I can't help hurtin' the poor thing. She's been brutalized down here,'_ the nurse thought. All she said was, "I know sweety, but I'm almost done."

"Bella, I heard that you got into University of Washington," I began. I was sure to keep my voice soothing. Bella nodded stiffly. "What's your major?"

For the first time, Bella's lips twitched upward in what was almost a smile. "Comparative Literature." I smiled with her. It was suiting for her. She made connections so easily and so often that I knew she could excel in the field.

"How fitting." Bella grunted and gripped my hand tighter. "And did you have a minor?" She shook her head.

"No. I… I c-couldn't choose one, I— That _really_ hurts," she moaned.

"Okay, okay, I'm finishin' up. Just need to—" she paused to do something that made Bella yelp hoarsely. I couldn't repress my growl. "It's all right, princess—"

Bella's eyes flew open and I could almost feel every muscle in her body tense. I leaned closer. "Bella?" There was something familiar, something wrong with what the nurse had said.

"Stop," she whispered. Her heart was pounding too fast again. "I don't want to do this anymore! Please stop! Edward, tell her to stop! Make her stop!"

It was the first time she had called me name in two years. The urgency in her call awoke something fierce in me and I turned to glare at the nurse. "She said that she was done."

The nurse nodded. "I know sir. So am I." She reached up to pull the hospital gown down over Bella and to pull her blanket back. Bella had gone very still, her hand over her eyes. The nurse left with only a few words about being sorry, something that I again, disregarded. I suspected that Bella did too.

"Bella?" I whispered once we were alone. She was quiet for so long, I thought she had fallen back asleep. But then,

"He called me that. Princess. Every time, he would call me that."

She refused to speak for the rest of the day, feigning sleep when Dr. Cast or anyone else came in.

She spoke to me, though, just before she fell asleep for real. She had finally released my hand. I was seated near the foot of her bed.

"Edward?"

I marveled at her voice. It was so small. Delicate. She sounded tired and afraid. "Yes?" I answered.

"Did they bury Charlie?"

I hesitated. She knew about Charlie? How much had she seen, had Victoria forced her to see? "Yes," was all I said, though. Bella shifted some with a small 'oh'.

"Where's Renee?"

"We… aren't sure. She and Phil are both missing." Again, there was a long pause.

"Edward?" she asked again. Her voice was even smaller.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to leave when I fall asleep?"

I rose then and leaned over her so that she could see into my eyes. I smiled and stroked her forehead gently.

"No, Bella. I will be right here when you wake up." She looked up at me then. I think she found whatever it was she was looking for in my eyes. She nodded and turned away, closing her eyes.


	5. Chapter 4 ::Consequences::

Hi guys... Sorry for the long update time. I'm all over the place with all sorts of crap to do. It'll be just a little rough for a little bit. I don't know how much I like this chapter, but hey, it's more of a transition than anything else. Thanks for all of the reviews, you're awesome!

Chapter 4 :Consequence:

It was almost like watching the sunrise, watching Bella wake up. Her entire face would scrunch up slightly and her eyelids would flutter, as if she were trying to see even with her eyes still closed. And then, slowly, the warmth and light and radiance that was Bella would grow and grow and grow until her eyes blinked open. And she was Bella gain.

She looked no less tired than she did the day before. Her sleeping throughout the night had not been peaceful in any way. I had lost count of the nightmares, concentrating instead on keeping her from hurting herself. For a moment though, as she woke up, she was the Bella she was before all of this. Before I left. She was mine again as she woke up.

How many nights had I spent with my eyes shut, trying to imagine the exact way she had slept, the sound of her even breathing, and sound of her voice when she spoke? It was different than when she spoke when she was awake. It was softer and less guarded. Listening to her talk in her sleep was the closest I had ever gotten to hearing her thoughts. She couldn't be self-conscious. She couldn't modify. She was just Bella.

"Edward?" Her voice was soft and a bit hoarse from her cries throughout the night. One of her hands reached forward blindly for mine as she blinked a few more times. I took her hand gently and smiled as she sighed. It was nice, reveling in the fact that I was the one who brought her peace. I could pretend for just a while longer that she was mine again. She sighed again. "I was scared."

I moved closer, hoping to inhale her scent a bit more. It wasn't her exact scent, the transfusion they'd given her had changed it, but I knew from experience that the wrongness would fade. She would smell like she should in a few days. "Of what?" I breathed, folding my arms on the edge of her bed and resting my chin on my arm. She frowned delicately and the sadness in her eyes intensified.

"That you wouldn't be here anymore. You said you would stay… but you said that before… I was scared you had left me alone."

I frowned and caressed her knuckles with my thumb. "Hush, Bella," I murmured. "You aren't really awake yet. The sedative they gave you hasn't worn off. Go back to sleep, sweetheart." Bella smiled plaintively confirming the fact that the drugs were still in her system. I smiled back in amusement and moved to release her. Her grip turned tight and her eyes went wide. The fear flashed again. I never wanted her to be afraid again. Never because of me.

"No! You'll leave. You'll leave," she whimpered. I shushed her again and squeezed her hand gently. She shook her head. "Don't leave. Please? Promise you won't leave me alone," she begged. "I'll… try to be… better, you know. I'll be anything you want, Edward, just promise you won't leave me again." My breath stopped in my chest and I froze, but I forced myself to smile, even to laugh.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I don't want you to change. Now, go back to sleep. I'll watch while you sleep, just like before, okay? I'll still be here when you wake up. Go back to sleep, silly Bella."

She watched me again, held my hand tightly again and again she nodded. Biting her lip, she slowly released my hand and curled up gently, though not nearly as tightly as she normally slept, trying not to pull at the burn on her back. "Jacob left me, you know," she whispered, ducking her head. "Everyone left…" It was mere moments before her breathing was deep again and she was asleep. I stayed close to be sure.

After a few moments, I let the despair claim me. _What had I done to her?_

-!-

"I can't eat that."

"…"

"I'm serious, Edward."

"Bella, you didn't eat yesterday."

"I won't eat that."

My forehead creased. "Is it 'can't' or 'won't', Isabella?" I asked flatly. Bella shot me an irritated look.

"I _can't_ eat that," she insisted.

"Why not?"

Bella's pale face acquired that peculiar green color that had pretty much faded. She picked up her fork and poked at the lumpy gray matter pooling inside a soggy-looking crust. The "pot pie" oozed slowly over the fork and, I'm pretty sure, growled at me. Or it could have been Bella's stomach. I grimaced. All human food seemed unappetizing to me, but hospital food had always been an entire organism all its own.

"Okay…" I began slowly, "You can't eat that. But you have to eat something, Bella. Shall I ask a nurse to bring you something else?" Bella frowned and tilted her head back to rest against the top of the headboard of the bed and picked absently at the bandages around her wrist. I pulled her hand away. I couldn't afford for her to hurt herself accidentally. "Please, don't burden your body more than it already is, Bella. You need to eat." Bella just sighed and pushed the lap tray away resolutely. I pursed my lips.

She was still Bella.

"When do I get to leave?" she asked with a tone that dared me to venture back to the subject of her eating habits. I raised an eyebrow.

"Alice is bringing you some clothes to wear. We can leave once you're dressed."

Dr. Cast had already told Bella about being released and had given her one final examination. A nurse had come in and demonstrated to me how to change her bandages and dress her burns. It had been decided that Bella would recover better in a more "personal" environment. Honestly, I just wanted her out of the hospital before greed broke one of the nurses down. It was only a matter of time before Victoria started hunting again.

"Alice is coming?" Bella asked, startling me out of m dark musings. There was forced casualness in her voice that I would have to investigate later, but for the time being, I nodded and the corners of her mouth twitched upward in a smile she tried to hide. She pointed toward a tiny end table on the other side of the room. "Hand me that brush, then, please, or Alice will have a fit." I glided to the table and back at a speed that was much more than human, at which Bella smiled again. "Do I look that bad?" she teased as she began to brush out her hair.

"You look perfect. But you wanted it," I answered with a shrug and a wink.

"Actually, your hair could use some work, but then, that's why you have me!" _'Jeez, Edward, what did you do? Keep her up __**all**__ night?'_

"Alice!" Bella exclaimed, seeming to mirror my sister's excitement. I blinked and Alice had gone from posed elegantly in the doorway, a large, brown paper bag in hand, to kneeling on Bella's bed next to her, wrapped around her in a tight hug. Bella gave a coughing laugh and shot a pleading look in my direction. "Alice. Tight," she wheezed and Alice sprang away, grinning shamelessly.

"I guess I'll have to get used to that again," she laughed in delight. She turned and grabbed the paper bag which had been thrown away in the shuffle. "Here," she said, plopping it down in Bella's lap. "And give me that," she added and snatched the brush away. "I _missed_ you Bella," she sighed and began brushing Bella's hair. Bella laughed and began digging into the paper bag.

"I missed you too, Alice. You have no idea." She suddenly laughed again and pulled out a strangely beautiful golden peach. "What's with all of the fruit?" she asked, running her fingers over the peach. Alice rolled her eyes.

"I saw you being difficult this morning. There's peaches, apples, pears, bananas, even a few kiwi in there. Now you have absolutely no reason not to eat." Alice's tone was stern and I couldn't help but grin smugly. Bella glared down at the fruit.

"Yeah, I guess…" she sighed, "But why does it look so… pretty?"

"It's one hundred percent organic, grown on a tree that was apparently 'spoken to lovingly everyday of it's first year and then once a week'," Alice answered, reading from a card from the bag. She shrugged. "It was expensive, so I figured it was probably good."

Bella gaped at her, and then, apparently, remembered just who she was dealing with and gave up before she even started, settling for grumbling about vampires lacking a sense of what's expensive. Alice, of course, ignored her. It was all I could do to stifle my laughter. "Where- ah- is the rest of the family?" I asked to cover myself. Alice sighed and her expression deflated slightly.

"They went shopping without me," she muttered crossly. "All of them, too! Esme is just about ready to burst with excitement over the idea of having food in the house that someone will actually eat. Oh, and you don't have to worry. They've all already called what days they get to cook what. You were stuck with breakfast on Mondays and all of Thursdays, by the way." Bella's face flushed red very suddenly and I couldn't help but smile at the sheer familiarity of it.

"You guys don't need to—" she began in a mumble, but Alice cut her off, her tiny, pixy features screwed up into an overly dramatic frown.

"Oh, come _on_, Bella! The last one of us to cook human food was Emmett almost half a century ago. And I don't even _remember—_"

"Okay, okay, okay! You all can cook for me already!" Bella exclaimed, taking a grudging bite out of her peach. "No need to pull out the 'I-can't-remember-my-human-years-and-the-least-you-could-do-is-let-me-re-live-them-through-you' card," she grumbled. I laughed outright then as Alice beamed innocently.

"I had a feeling you would see it my way," she hummed. Bella took another bite out of the peach, sulking shamelessly.

"You know that whoever claimed her breakfast today will be angry that you fed her already," I remarked in amusement while Bella's face went even redder. Alice's expression increased in innocence, though there was no one to see it who would actually _believe_ it.

"That's what they get for going shopping without me," she answered sweetly. I laughed again.

"Did you bring the clothes?"

"Under the food," Alice hummed, shifting her concentration to a spot in Bella's hair, trying to untangle the strands gently. I would have to get used to its new length, not even reaching to her shoulders. Disturbingly enough, though, it seemed that whoever had done the cutting had done it evenly, almost carefully. Bella winced and began pulling away.

"Shouldn't I go get dressed then? I really would like to get out of here as soon as possible…" Alice immediately began to pout once more.

"But, I'm almost done!"

"Let her up and let her go change." I supposed it was time for me to intervene. I couldn't go on forever laughing at them. We had to get home some time, after all. "You can play with her hair in the car, or better yet, at home." Alice heaved a sigh and released Bella who gave me a grateful look.

She was shaky as she slid to the ground, unsteady on her feet. I felt another jolt of pain and stood quickly, holding my hand up to steady her. I could hear Alice's concern and pain as well as Bella took my hand, pressing her fingers to her temple.

"What is it?" I murmured as she made it too the bathroom. She smiled quickly at me.

"Just a little dizzy. Don't worry. I'll be out in a minute." She shut the door before I could say anything else and I could hear her lean against it, breathing deeply. I was motionless for a few moments, torn between going to her aid and leaving her be the way she wanted. Finally, once I heard her straighten and begin changing, I clenched my hands at my sides, moving instead to sit next to Alice.

"We'll have to watch that. She may have a concussion or something," she murmured quietly and quickly enough to keep Bella from hearing. "She's doing well otherwise, though. Considering."

I didn't, couldn't answer that. "Someone's removed Victoria's package? The very last thing we need is for her to stumble over _that_." Alice glared.

"Of course we did. Rosalie burned it, all of it, last night. Esme ordered a bed on express delivery, it was delivered early this morning. Emmett kept himself occupied for a good ten minutes putting it together too. We had to rearrange your room to fit it in." She cracked a wry smile. "You don't mind her sleeping in—"

_(There was nothing.)_

My brow furrowed as Alice's went wide. "What was that?" Alice had stopped breathing.

"Our future just vanished."

"Knock, knock."

_Wolf._

My reaction, at least at an instinctual level, was immediate and intense. _Enemy._ I had to protect, had to defend, had to escape. The smell alone was staggering, disgusting, and brought to mind a half-dead wet dog. The instinct to crouch and attack was strong, almost as ingrained in my vampire mind as the need for human blood.

I only just reigned it in.

The wolf crowding the doorway was non-descript. He looked the same to me as the rest of La Push pack. Reddish brown skin, deep black hair that had been cropped short, and larger than any human child would ever naturally grow to be. I could feel the heat from him all the way on the other side of the room. He took a cautious step into the room and it seemed that he was controlling himself just as tightly as I was.

"Where's Bella?"

'_I can't see. I don't like this,'_ Alice's voice whispered in my head. It was tense and I could see her out of the corner of my eye, her eyes flickering rapidly from the werewolf and the closed door to the bathroom.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. My voice was smooth, calm. I had had a long, long time learning to control myself. I had done the impossible with these eyes, with my voice. If I could deny an angel with a straight face, then I could compose myself in front of this pup.

The trembling started in his hands. "I'm here to see Bella!" he growled, he volume rising. Alice shot a glance at the bathroom door again. "It took Sam too damn long to get your head bloodsucker to give up where she was and we agreed to just send one of us. But we need to know if she's okay. _This_ family isn't just going to _abandon_ her."

_("They abandoned me…")_

The tiny whisper in Bella's voice startled me, but it was nothing more than a memory in this wolf's head. A growl escaped me and it echoed from Alice at my side. Alice jumped to her feet.

"Watch your mouth, dog," she snarled and at that moment, the bathroom door opened. Bella's eyes were wide, almost fearful as she peered out of the door, but her expression lightened considerably once she saw who it was.

"Quil?" she exclaimed, taking a few steps toward him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was relieved to see how much more confident her steps were. The wolf's sneer vanished at the sound of her voice.

"Bells!" he answered and took only two long steps forward to sweep her into a crushing hug. Unfortunately, his hands had been placed low on her back. I'm sure that he grabbed her right in the middle of Victoria's calling card.

Bella's screech was horrible and the same way my name had awakened an absolute need to protect her the night before, so did her cry, though the compulsion was so much stronger. It didn't matter that my mind knew that this was her brother in all of the ways that counted. It didn't matter that I could hear the regret in his mind when he realized what he had done. Bella screamed the same way she had screamed before, in Alice's vision. With _him_.

My snarls and growls were exploding from my chest before I had a chance to even realize I was making them. Quil's arm, scorching to my icy skin was in my grasp and I was proud that I had not broken it. Bella's knees collapsed and Alice was there, scooping her effortlessly into her arms and setting her back on the hospital bed. For an endless moment, no one moved and Quil and I locked gazes. I could feel his muscle twitching, vibrating and hear his mind wrestling with the same instinct that I was. For a moment, it seemed that he wouldn't win…

"Stop it." Bella's voice was surprisingly firm. "It was an accident, Edward. Quil, pull it back. You're pulling a Paul." Quil blinked and to my surprise, a slow grin spread across his face. I grit my teeth and let go haltingly and made sure to take another step back in order to keep myself under control. Quil followed suit.

"A Paul, huh? Wouldn't want to go down _that_ road," Quil chuckled and moved to sit in the chair that was usually mine. He turned toward me almost reluctantly. "You two think you can give us some privacy?"

No. I won't leave her alone. I promised her. I've missed her too much to ever leave her alone. No.

Bella nodded, glancing pleadingly at me. "I'll be out in a minute. Then we can go," she said. And I could never deny her.

My jaw clenched and I nodded at Alice. I could hear her disapproval clearly, but she stayed in step behind me. Neither of us said a word even after the door had shut behind us. For a moment, there was silence.

"We thought you were dead."

"I thought I was too for a while…"

There was shifting and I had to assume that the wolf had found a way to hug her without hurting her. Bella sniffed. I could smell her tears.

"Are okay? Are they taking care of you?" Quil asked in a rush. Bella chuckled.

"I'm… I'm better. And yes, they're taking good care of me. I'm leaving today."

"Yeah… head bloodsucker told us about that. Are you sure you want to do that, though, Bells? You'll be okay with _him_ around? After everything he did to—"

I could see Bella through his eyes, holding up a hand to stop him. "I'll be fine. Both Carlisle and Edward, can probably take care of me better than they can here. I can't go back to Charlie's house, Quil. They've given me somewhere to go. You worry too much." Quil pretended to flinch as Bella knocked her fist into his shoulder and then caught it. His smile waned and he became much more serious, much more somber. My heart screamed as he shifted his grip on her hand, lacing his fingers through hers.

"Hey," he began softly, but intensely. "Don't do this just because you think you don't have anywhere else to go, all right? You can come back to La Push. It's not like we're just gonna turn our backs on you just because of what happened with Jake." Bella winced at the sound of his name. "Once you're a part of the pack, you're in for life, Bells."

"I can't deal with La Push— with Jake— right now, okay? I need some time… He's okay, isn't he?"

Quil sighed. "He's had it rough, you know? Sam's been trying hard to get him through it— he's the only one who really knows what its like. But the thing about you being kidnapped by a _vampire_ kinda pushed it up to another level." Bella sighed.

"Tell him… tell him I'm… okay. Tell him not to beat himself up over this. _Any _of this." There was a shift. Quil nodded. "I have to go. I'll see you around."

"You know, it's a full moon tonight," Quil called, as he opened the door for her. Bella grinned at him, but reached out to take Alice's hand.

"Yeah? I'll put out a water dish. Say hi to Claire when you see her." Bella pulled on Alice's hand and smiled at me. It wasn't _her_ smile though. It was too forced. She looked tired again. "I'm ready. Let's go."

"See ya around, Bella," Quil called. _'She's a part of our pack now. Remember that, bloodsucker. If you hurt her again, the treaty will be on our side.'_

I've seen the way I left her. I can never hurt her again.

"Let's go."


	6. Chapter 5 ::Crush::

It's been forever, I know, but I'm back! Pre-IB is a bitch...

ENJOY!

Chapter 5 :Crush:

When you have an eternity to look ahead to, time moves in a different kind of way. Under normal circumstances, time for our kind would move quickly, with a disregard for minutes and hours, weeks and months. The immortal, the never aging, spend their time in an endless cycle of day and night, light and dark, sun with clouds and moon with stars.

When I met Bella time, for me, began to slow. It was something that I had to force myself to learn— to take notice of the passing time— if I didn't want to drive myself insane. Everyday she _changed_ even just a little bit. In some ways, it was refreshing, endearing. I had been living for almost a century in a family that never would. But Bella did. But after the novelty of it wore off, it occurred to me that watching her hair slowly inch its way longer or seeing the minute fluctuations in her face, all of the things that I had deemed adorable or precious, they were actually tiny signs of her definite mortality, all wrapped up in innocent, brightly colored packages. Every once in a blue moon it would occur to me that I could spend every moment of every day of her life by her side, and yet I would surely be forced to endure that same lifetime over and over and over again.

Without her.

The thought scared me the way nothing in my life had ever scared me before. It was… it was in my thoughts as I wrestled with leaving her. Though I craved to be near her… I couldn't watch her die. I just _couldn't_.

When I did leave her, time did not once more begin to speed by. Instead, it seemed to begin to die, wheezing towards halting entirely, as if my death had permeated my entire life. It crawled forward, inching and jerking pitifully. At first, I was aware of every painful hour, and then the minutes, and finally mere seconds agonized me. In the worst of this period, I was plagued by fleeting memories, memories of the blurred, confused quality that only human memories could have. I remembered my last human days, the Spanish influenza, _dying_, in a clarity that I had never had before. And then I would see Bella's death. In that way, in those low months, the two of us were together again, reunited in my twisted head, dying separately over and over and over again.

Life with this new Bella crept along painfully through quicksand that sucked us back from any progress we made with her. Three steps forward in the day, while her dreams shoved her back by two and a half.

It had been a single week since we'd brought her back from the hospital (a week since she had been raped and tortured daily, I had to remind myself when I was impatient for her to be my Bella again.). And as the days went on, it seemed that Bella became smaller and smaller, less and less of herself. She spoke less often. Her smiles became more strained, and finally completely artificial. But then, she had never been one to be open with her pain. She spent hours shut away in my room or the library or the bathroom. She said she was studying, trying to keep from being left behind in school.

And while she spent her days in near silence, she more than made up for it during the nights.

Bella had nightmares. Every single night, she thrashed and twisted in her sleep. There was no exception, no night when she had a break and slept peacefully. Sleeping pills were the first things Carlisle brought home for her. Without them, that first week may have been so much worse. Every night, she said the same thing. _"Don't leave, don't leave. Come back, please don't leave me." _Jasper was scarcely near the house during these nighttime horrors.

And then Victoria started hunting again.

-!-

On Saturday, Edward had to leave me. Just to hunt. He would be back soon, he wasn't going to go far. His eyes had been the deepest black I had ever seen, be it in his eyes or even in Victoria's when I bled in front of her and she didn't kill me. He hadn't hunted since before I was found. He only left to hunt. For my safety. He said he would come back.

I did not believe that at all.

When I woke up, he had left me. I had taken some of Carlisle's pills the night before… surely he knew how wrong the drugs felt in my body, how alike waking up with them was to waking up _there_. Sometimes, the only way I knew the difference was by Edward's presence. Alice was there instead, promising me that Edward had left only an hour before and that he would have to go far to keep from slipping up. Killing someone she meant. It would be hours before he came back.

It was, if nothing else, more subtle this time. It would be hours before I could expect him, time enough for him to make it halfway across the country. And then Alice could need to hunt too and Rosalie would have to go with her. Jasper and Emmett would be worried when their mates went missing for so long. Esme and Carlisle would have to search for their missing children. But, of course, they would all "be back".

"Hungry, Bella?" Alice chimed after she had let me sit silently for a while. No. I was never hungry. At least, not the kind of hunger that made me eager for food. But all of them were unhappy when I did not eat. Maybe if I kept them happy enough they would stay for just a bit longer. I managed to smile and nod.

"Sure. Sure I am," I lied. She grinned and I blinked, missing her exit. I chewed on my lip while I was alone. It was hardest to bear when I could not see them, any of them. That was the moment in which they could slip away. But she was back within seconds, a tray of French toast perched delicately in her hands. I fidgeted while she set the tray next to me and delivered the remote to Edward's stereo system.

"I figured you'd need some relaxing time today, what with Edward gone and all…" she murmured with a sympathetic smile. What kind of pathetic vision of me had she seen instead of this? I tried to shake off the sense of shame and dependence. Really, it only rattled and wrinkled and settled back down around me, heavier in new places.

"You always know just what to do, Alice," I told her gratefully. How long will I last once she's left like all of the others? Not very long, I'm sure…

I'm sure she left then; either way I was by myself. For a time I simply sat, staring at nothing and trying hard to think of nothing. After a while I bit into the French toast. It was as perfect, even cold as I had let it become. Buttery and sweet and soft and delicious. I managed to choke about half of it down before the panic overcame me and I had to push it away. I shouldn't have eaten so much, I was sure. It was too good for me. Alice surely hadn't meant for me to eat so much… would she be angry? Upset? Disappointed? I dropped the food and pressed my fingertips to my head, shoulders hunched against the onslaught of horror. I ground my teeth together, scrambling to gather the composure to go and lock the door before any of them could see me this way when—

_Pzzzt. Pzzzt._

The sound made me jump, it was so foreign. It had been weeks, five weeks exactly, since I had encountered a phone call. My little cell had been left, forgotten, at Charlie's house. I could not remember any of them delivering it to me, but there it sat, vibrating away on the table next to my (Edward's) bed. I stared at it. It had rang twice and no more… that meant something to me. Such information was so much less than trivial now. I strained to remember…

Text message.

Strange. I had had few friends in college. Few friends from high school still had my number. The pack had my number. My mother did. Jacob did.

One of them had decided to contact me… in a text message.

I flipped the phone open. **New Message**it declared proudly. My hands shook as I pressed the button to open it.

_Bella? This is Sheriff Mark, well I used to be Deputy Mark. Bella, Charlie left something for you in my care, something he wanted me to give you in person if anything ever happened to him. Could you meet me? I can be at your father's house in one hour. Can you meet me there, Bella? Please come alone, your dad wanted very much that as few people as possible would know about it. I'll be at the house in one hour. –Mark Hash_

I could do nothing but stare at the phone for a moment more than necessary. The circumstances confused me, and yet, there were the tell-tale signs of a person who was not familiar with text messaging. And all at once, I _had_ to go and meet him. My father, whom I had disappointed so acutely, on whose heart I had been such a burden, who had _died_ because of me and my demons, had left something specifically for me. The hinted notion of redemption had me aching with need and I jumped from the bed, upsetting what was left of my breakfast in the process. I dressed with a sense of urgency that had not touched me in a very long time. I was actually doing more than just waiting to die.

Of course, the others would take notice of lack of apathy.

"Bella? What is it? Is something wrong?" Alice asked me. I glanced over my shoulder to see her staring at me, open-mouthed. I paused briefly, distracted. What had I done over the last week that had her so shocked when I got up and got dressed? I bit my lip and then turned away from her, working my shoulders. The swell of shame I would normally feel was easier now to hold at bay. The prospect of forgiveness from _someone_ made me stronger.

"Nothing wrong. I just have to go meet someone." My truck. I hadn't seen it since when Charlie was alive. I didn't even know where it was. "Could I borrow a car?" I asked, turning to look at Alice fully. It seemed that I stuck her speechless. Finally she frowned.

"I- I don't think Edward…" Now it was my turn to frown. Edward was probably not coming back… why was she pretending so diligently? Maybe he wasn't leaving just yet. The weight on my chest eased.

"I'm not leaving the city, I just have to meet this person. Alone. Please, Alice."

It seemed that it would take no more than that. A brilliant smile lit Alice's face, and the likeness between her and an angel was never stronger. The weight increased again until the pain was sharp enough to knock the breath out of me. Why wasn't I good enough for this? For a sister? I tried to keep it together while she was still there, though, or she would never let me go.

"Sure. You'll be back before Edward, I can see it. Take all the time you need, Bella," she chirped kindly, dancing forward to pat my hair. I hitched the corners of my mouth upward in what I think was some semblance of a smile.

I wondered, as I shut the door behind me, a pair of shiny keys in hand, if they would take this opportunity to escape. Probably. It's very hard to tell with vampires. They make it so easy to believe them after all. The world's most perfect predator. Everything about them invites you in. The face. The voice. The smell. Everything is concentrated on you, making you willing, even eager to believe any and everything they tell you. They tell you they are human. They tell you they are normal. They tell you that you are wanted, loved.

But really, in the end, it's all a part of the façade.

My name is Isabella Swan and I am the only human victim the Cullens ever took together, a family effort. Just because my heart still beats, doesn't mean they didn't kill me.

-!-

I was afraid to go inside of Charlie's house, afraid of what I would feel if I saw the thick layers of dust that surely coated everything. Police tape formed a formidable 'x' across the front door. Would the police have cleaned the broken glass, the pool of beer Charlie had upset when he flailed and fought for his life? I was too much of a coward to find out, and so, I waited for Mark Hash outside of the house, hovering on the edge of the forest. I fiddled with my phone as I paced, listening hard for the sound of an approaching car. I was early, and yet, something about the entire meeting, now that I was actually there, seemed wrong. I opened my phone and read the message again, more carefully. I found it… awkward… strange…

Suddenly, a snarl exploded from the woods behind me and my heart leapt to my throat. I had just enough time to take only a single, stumbling step away from the trees before a reddish-brown wolf the size of a horse lunged from the shadows, clamping his mouth over my uninjured arm. It did not hurt, but the wolf was not gentle as he hauled me through the eternally damp underbrush. The pace yanked and stretched the burns on my lower back. I could do nothing but collapse, struggling for breath when it let me go, disappearing with a huff into the shadows of the woods. I fumbled with my phone and managed to hit the proper keys for a single, hasty function.

_Calling Edward…_ the phone soothed. It could not even complete its first ring before I his voice took over, deep, velvet, anxious. _"Bella? Are you—"_

"I'm afraid," I whispered back, my eyes combing the clearing for what was surely coming back for me, be it man or beast. "Please come."

The phone slid sharply from my grip then, back over my shoulder. A sharp crack made me turn, and Jacob Black stood with the jagged remains of my cell phone clutched in his trembling fist. He towered over me, close enough that his onyx hair (he must have taken to growing it out again) brushed against my cheek. My gaze was locked, trapped, by his and the heat from his naked chest buffeted against me. Stumbling, I tried to put distance between us, but he shadowed me, stalking, backing me up against an enormous moss covered trunk. His hands pressed down on either side of my head, near enough that I could feel the tremors as they flowed down his arms, into his hands. He leaned closer, until our noses almost touched and bared his teeth in a feral snarl.

He was furious. With me.

"_Fuck_ _you_, Isabella. Who the _fuck_ do you think you are?"

My mouth worked, but I couldn't force out any sound. It was happening again, the same crushing wave of emotion that often came with a meal or a memory, though this one was so much more potent than the rest. Because it was Jacob. It was the man that I had loved. It was the man who had shunned me, replaced me. I bit down on my bottom lip, cringing against the tree trunk.

My silence seemed to infuriate him more, and he snarled sharply, pounding both of his hands against the tree. I yelped and tried, futilely to duck around his arm, but he was too quick and caught my wrist tightly in his hand. He pinned my hand next to my face, leaning down until his breath seared my cheek. "Answer me," he snarled.

I swallowed and choked, my mouth was so dry. Jacob had always been so careful to be gentle— no, that wasn't the word for it. He had always had the tendency to be slightly rough with me, as opposed to Edward who had always been unspeakably gentle. But he'd always been careful to be something I did not have to be afraid of. Now, he was doing everything he could to scare me.

"Get off of me, Jacob," I mouthed. To my surprise, he obeyed, shoving himself away from me with a lingering growl. He backed away and began to pace, reaching into his pocket as he went. I struggled for words. "What— what are you doing here?"

Jacob laughed, a sound that was too hard, too sharp, too bitter. "What, you didn't think I would show? Did you think that I would just let it all go because you've got that cast, those bandages? That I'd chalk it up to your _trauma?_ You're full of shit! I'm _happy _now, Bella! Victoria is everything to me, my entire life. She makes me _happy!_" he shouted at me, throwing a crumpled slip of paper at me. It remained on the ground, soaking up rainwater.

The silence that came after his outburst was deafening, only Jacob's heavy panting to punctuate. His words echoed in the dense forest while my mind, my heart, reeled.

He'd never told me her name, the woman he was leaving me for. Victoria. Fitting. It was just so… fitting. I held very still, letting the sound of his panting and the quiet trickle of the rain wash over me, and waited for the grief to crush me. But it didn't. Instead, a lick of fury bubbled up inside of me, swelling larger. The feeling burned through me, searing away the fog, the fear, that kept me pinned, cringing to this tree.

"Happy?" I whispered hoarsely. "_Victoria_ makes you _happy_, does she_?_ She's your _entire life?_" I sprang forward, shoving at Jacob's chest. "Damnit, Jacob, what the hell was _I_ then? How did _I_ make you feel? I was your damn fiancée after all," I snapped. Jacob's glare darkened.

"Don't ask me that, Bella. I swear you won't like it if I answer that question."

I shoved him again. "Tell me!" I demanded. "I want to know!" I knew better than to hit him. I would hurt no one but myself. At that moment, though, there was nothing that I wanted more. I wanted to hit Jacob Black and I wanted it to hurt him. "You threw me away, Jacob!" His lip curled into a snarl.

"It wasn't like that, and you know it! I imprinted. You knew from the beginning th—"

"I sure as hell did _not. _You told me, _swore to me_ that it would never happen for you. You said that I would be the only one for you, _ever_." I managed to laugh bitterly, scrubbing the errant tears from my cheeks. "You _swore_ that you would never hurt me the way he did! _You swore it to me!_ And then you _threw_ me _away_! So stop thinking you're so much better than him, Jacob Black." My voice dropped down to a hiss. "The two of you are _exactly alike_."

With a sharp growl, Jacob grabbed me by the top of both of my arms and shoved me roughly against another tree. "You know, I think you do deserve to know what you were to me. You, Isabella, were a _poison._ I poured everything I had into loving you and you spent all of your time holding onto _him._ My heart was yours, completely. Now look me in the eye and tell me the same!"

The breath tore from my lungs. That was fighting dirty. "Fuck you," I spat, struggling to throw him off. Jacob just pressed harder against me. "Get off of me."

"Face it Bella. You _used_ me. You never gave a fuck about whether or not I was happy—"

I gaped incredulously at him. All of the sudden, the anger flared sharply again, urging me to hurt him back. I stifled it, gritting my teeth together. "That _isn't_ true—" He cut me off, his grip tight enough to leave bruises.

"You know what I like most about Victoria, Bells?" he hissed. I struggled again, shoving back the pain and accompanying fury that came when he said her name. My fingertips were starting to prickle. My back felt wet, I wasn't sure if I was bleeding. I wouldn't look at him, staring instead over his shoulder into the forest. One of them would come. They would come.

"I said get off of me, Jake, it hurts!"

He ignored me, releasing one of my arms so that he could grab my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. He leaned close so that I could smell the scent from his skin, feel the heat of his breath. "When Victoria and I are together, she says _my_ name. Not some vampire she's pining for who obviously doesn't care about her. _Mine_."

All at once the fury broke free. Any rational thought I may have had vanished and I slapped him as hard as I could— slapped him _back_ in a way, his comment had cut me so sharply— with my free hand. I didn't care anymore, couldn't think of anything. I wanted him to _hurt_ the way that I was hurting.

"Yeah, I've heard that whores were pretty good at that, saying your name while you fuck them."

Jacob's entire body shuddered and a deafening snarl ripped out of his chest, a sound that belonged to a beast, to a werewolf. He sprang away from me, eyes dark and wild. "You were a piss poor whore then, because you never managed to say my name when I fucked you," he said and then he exploded in a storm of bristling fur. There was a sharp, sickening rip, probably his pants, and then, there was the huge, russet wolf that I used to look to with love, with trust with adoration. He had stood as my protector against the vampires, against the pain, against insanity itself.

Now he faced me with hackles raised, hair on end. I had only time to draw breath to scream before another shudder rocked through him, and any gleam of humanity was extinguished sharply from his eyes. He roared as he sprang toward me, a roar that was too loud, seemed to come from more than one direction in my panic. I fell to the ground, crossing my arms over my head in a feeble attempt to protect myself. In my mind, I could somehow see this new version of myself, the line of scars that marred Emily's face reflected on my own, though hers reflected the strength of her and Sam's relationship, while my disfigurement would mean nothing.

Pain exploded in the strangest of places, the base of my skull, behind my eyes, as Jacob clamped his jaw around my cast. My arm was surely re-broken, probably in worse condition than Victoria or he had ever left it. The heat of Jacob's body pressed down on me as I screamed hoarsely, hoping that the combined taste of my blood and sound of my screams would bring him back to himself.

And then, suddenly, the heat was gone. Jacob flew backward as if he had hit some kind of force field, crashing with a yelp into one of the ancient trees a few yards away. I blinked and they were there, _all_ of them, stooped around where I had fallen.

The Cullens had never looked any less human than they did as they protected me.

Their eyes reflected black in the gloomy forest, flashing with hatred toward the twitching pile of fur that was Jacob. Esme, Carlisle, and Alice crouched next to me, protective, eyes narrow, lips pulled back over teeth in some cases. Only Carlisle seemed even relatively in control. Emmett, Rosalie, and, at the head, Edward paced at a blinding speed, spitting curses and threats as they went. Jacob had clambered to his feet, favoring his right side and began to pace, eying all of us murderously.

"Listen to them, Jacob Black. I will not hesitate to kill you myself," Edward spat. I gasped a stuttering breath and felt my stomach lurch. Rust and salt, the scent swam nauseatingly in my senses sending me reeling. In my haze, the forest began to seethe with massive forms, dark glittering eyes too far off of the ground. I moved my arm unthinkingly, about to cover my nose, and barely swallowed the whimper of pain. Instantly, Esme was patting my forehead soothingly while Carlisle ripped at my cast carefully enough that I hardly felt it. Hardly. I whimpered again.

"Try to remain still, Bella. Does it feel re-broken?" Carlisle murmured. I nodded stiffly, resolutely not looking at the wound. Long, unbroken growls were coming from too many perspectives. A midnight black wolf— Sam— emerged with a much smaller gray wolf and a chocolate brown one. Of course, Leah would insist on coming. After them came Embry, human, hands vibrating and eyes hard. Rosalie snarled in his general direction, shadowing Jacob as he paced.

Jacob tossed his head, snarling. His gaze never left me. Edward moved so that he was blocking his view to me, his face screwed into a terrible scowl. "We care nothing for your damn _mate_! Bella has written no such note. None of us have delivered it. She has been in bed all week, recovering, or have you forgotten where she has spent the last month in your blood rage?" Jacob tossed his head again. Edward turned so that I could no longer see his face. "You drew her blood," he said. His voice was terrifyingly calm. "You broke her arm. The treaty is in our favor, Sam. We are within our rights to take Jacob Black."

Again, the gloom was rent with snarls. Somehow, I could tell that Rosalie and Leah were loudest of all. Carlisle did something to my arm that made the pain explode again. I could not help crying out. Embry had to shout to be heard over it all. "Bella is not a part of your coven! _You_ have taken first breach by attacking Jacob. _We_ are within our rights to take _you_."

"Try it!" Rosalie hissed, appearing at Edward's side. She eyed Leah fearlessly. "The monster _bitch _does not scare me," she added. Leah snarled and lunged. Emmett appeared at Rosalie's side, his wide, genial face twisted into the most menacing of snarls. The wolves in the forest started up again. It would surely have been a fight, but Sam gave an authoritative bark while Carlisle appeared at Rosalie's back, a restraining hand on her shoulder. Everything in the center of the commotion stilled, but the fighters were too close, both of them too angry. Both Leah and Rosalie were likely to say the words that would send the gathering into violence. I trembled and Alice or Esme must have noticed, because Edward turned half way towards me.

"Esme, take Bella into the house," he commanded stonily. I blinked and was in her arms. I blinked again and she had set me on my feet in front of the back door. I cradled my arm immediately, squinting in the light of the brightening morning. Was it really daylight outside? My gaze wandered fearfully to the bordering forest, but Esme turned my face firmly, but gently, back to look at her.

"Go into the house, Bella, and wait for one of us to come and get you." She did not wait for a reply, but kissed my cheek and turned, dashing back into the forest. No doubt she was worried for Carlisle and her children. I wanted to follow her and make sure that a fight did not break out, but what would I have been able to do to prevent one? It had been mostly my fault for starting it. I had known perfectly well how close to the edge Jacob had been, but I pushed him still. I was not sorry for it, either. I fumbled for the doorknob, slightly surprised when it opened. Had the door been open since I was taken? I entered the house and shut the door and turned to go into the living room, to stare out of the window there.

Everything changed.

I will always remember the way they _looked_. They did not look as if they were sleeping, more like they had been awake and aware when someone reached into them and ripped their entrails out. His hair still seemed to stand on end. Her hair lay straggly and listless on her shoulders. Both of their eyes were wide, staring straight through me.

I will always remember the sound. The ropes creaked slowly as the bodies swayed back and forth, as if they had been pushed recently. Blood and vomit and who knows what else dripped from their bare feet, adding to the spreading pool under them.

I will always remember the smell. The scent of blood seemed to come from all sides. I moved too quickly, slipped as I often do, and suddenly I was trapped in an old, forgotten nightmare, lying in a puddle of blood. The smell of rust and salt clawed at my sanity and more, the smell of feces, the smell of bile.

I screamed. I screamed again. I kept screaming, unable to look away from Renee's and Phil's bodies until Edward forced me, turning my face into his chest and still I couldn't close my eyes, couldn't stop seeing them. Edward (his scent trying in vain to drown out the smell of death) was in my ear, shushing me, begging me to keep my sanity.

"_It's okay, Bella. I love you, sweetheart, it'll be okay. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you, I love you._

They had changed _everything._

* * *

(Just a note: Bella just spent a month being raped and tortured. She's gone a little bit crazy. That's what I was going for, anyway... review please?)


	7. Chapter 6 ::Escape::

Ugh, I feel like such a ghost, popping in and out like this... but I've gotten my muse back! I know where we're going again. Stay tuned folks!

Chapter 6 :Escape:

The smell wouldn't fade from my skin, not from my clothes, nor from my hair.

Bella's blood, tears, and fear. The scent was sickeningly thick, halting my breath in my throat. I longed to take a shower, maybe wash it away from me, but Bella was my priority now. I knew now what happened when I left her even for just a few hours.

I held her as I had not held her for two years. She was curled up in my lap, her arms draped limply around my neck. She stared blankly into my shirt, hardly ever blinking and her chest disconcertingly still. Her lips were inches from my neck, and yet I could barely feel her breath ghosting over my skin there. I rubbed her back lightly, dipped my head to kiss her forehead or her temple every once and a while, praying silently that she remained whole. She was completely unresponsive, wouldn't make eye contact, though I wonder whether she even _could_. Jasper said that she was in shock, numb, but apparently only for the moment. That was the reason she sat with me still, other than the fact that she came to life only when I tried to set her down, clawing me closer and whimpering. I was afraid that she would break once I left her alone.

At least I had cleaned her some, washed away the thickest of Renee and Phil's blood and held her with eyes closed as Alice dressed her in clean clothes, my old shirt and a pair of Esme's soft sweatpants. It was a desperate ploy to keep her calm, using our scents this way. I hugged her closer, tucking her head under my chin. Of course, she complied mindlessly.

"How long will this take? I want her to have a proper shower," I asked, my voice low and quick enough that Bella would not hear me. Rosalie shot a surprisingly tender look at Bella and nodded.

"You're right. I can still smell the blood. I'm sure she can too."

"She should eat. Will she eat?" Esme questioned. Both of their tones matched mine flawlessly. I shook my head.

"She won't even _look _at me. I haven't bothered with food yet, but she wouldn't drink any water." Alice's barrage of self-loathing thoughts battered my mind again. I winced. "Stop that, Alice, please. I can't take it. Jasper will be worried if he comes home and finds you like this." Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle were still dealing with the wolves and the… scene, combing it for evidence that would implicate anything supernatural. They had called the police ten minutes before. Alice had already seen that they would call to ask Bella to come and identify the bodies.

"I can't stop. I should have seen," Alice whispered. She moved slowly until she stood before me and then dropped her hand to Bella's hair. Bella shied away, her first voluntary movement in almost an hour. I stared down at her and Alice looked pained. "I promised you I would take care of her while you were away and look at her now." She met my eyes reluctantly. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"You aren't responsible for his mate, Alice," Rosalie said, a shot at me. I bared my teeth at her. Bella twitched. Alice shook her head.

"No, but I'm responsible for my sister," she answered somberly. Bella twitched again and hugged herself closer to me. Her fingers were just starting to tremble. Apparently, she was awakening from her bout of shock. I kissed the crown of her head again.

"Just a bit longer, Bella. I need to speak with Carlisle," I murmured to her. Esme's eyebrows drew together in concern.

"What will you speak with him about?"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "We can't stay here anymore, Esme. Surely you can feel it too. There is too much animosity between us and the pack. We'll need to move on soon. We've been in Forks for too long as it is, you know." Suddenly, Bella moved, her hands fisting in my shirt. She stared up at me with wide, panicked eyes. My heart wrenched.

"You can't leave," she told me, pleaded with me. Her voice was no more than a whisper. "Please. You promised— you…" Her face suddenly went blank, and then hard. I couldn't take any more. I cradled her face in my hands, so that she could see my eyes.

"I won't leave you. I will never leave you, ever again. Please, Bella, don't be afraid," I said, kissing her forehead. She stared at me as if I had not said anything for a long moment, and then shook her head slightly. She looked sad and… resigned? She closed her eyes and pulled away from me, untangling herself from my grip. I let her go reluctantly, confused. I wanted to ask her… what? What she was thinking? My eyes darkened. She needed more than that from me, more than questions. I needed to do better.

"I want— I need to wash the blood off of me," she whispered and fled from the room. Esme moved as if to follow her, but the door opened at that moment and Carlisle walked in followed closely by Jasper and then Emmett. All couples paired up, checking one another for injuries in their own ways. Jasper probed Alice's emotions while she decided to check places and found them unscathed in her visions. Emmett held Rosalie tightly, running his hands over any flesh he could reach, both of them unashamed. Carlisle and Esme were the perfect middle ground between Emmett and Rosalie's passionate touch and Jasper and Alice's loving non-contact. Esme cradled Carlisle's face, both of them whispering words of concern.

Upstairs, the shower kicked to life.

Jasper's eyes widened and he cast a fleeting glance at the ceiling. His expression darkened as he turned his gaze back to me. _'I see she is no longer in shock,'_ he thought grimly. I kneaded my forehead.

"How bad?"

'_She is in despair, but somehow, for some reason, she is holding it at bay. It's almost as if she's sectioned off the pain, refused to feel it.'_

I groaned and shook my head. "I've known she was strong… at least she's coping somehow. Carlisle, you know what needs to be done. We can't stay here much longer. There are too many memories for her and too many werewolves for us to deal with." Carlisle nodded and sank wearily onto the couch. He was worrying about Bella, about his family, though to him, the two were one and the same. So much was at stake, especially with the pack prowling the borders.

"I do. It has become unsafe for us here. The pack apparently blamed us for Bella's… condition when we left. They are protective of her. And yet, something about this confrontation has left them divided, I believe. Some still want to protect her from us, some think she is not their burden anymore. It is clear that a very few of them seek to cause Bella harm in order to protect Jacob Black's new mate, his imprint."

I bit back the instinctive snarl, though Emmett voiced it for me. Esme moved to place her hand on my shoulder. "What would make them believe that Bella posed a threat to this woman?" she asked Carlisle quietly. I snorted.

"Jacob Black. He had some note, some ridiculous note, that he thinks is from Bella. Forget the fact that Bella has been—" I stopped short, just registering the thoughts Jasper and Emmett were directing at me. "Excuse me?" Emmett nodded stiffly. Rosalie huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What is it?" she asked crossly. Emmett smoothed his hand over her arm.

"The human that took Bella, we got his scent off of her when she was in the hospital. The note was covered in it. He wrote it." Rosalie went stiff, a growl bubbling up in her throat.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we were tricked," Alice answered darkly. Her expression went blank as began to search blindly into the future for any danger. The images she saw were shadowy at best. There were too many variables, too much indecision. Slowly, her focus came back to the present. "Victoria is still hunting and she knew enough to draw Bella out and keep me from seeing, maybe even to keep me from seeing now. Who knows how close she got to Bella today—"

"No. Her scent was no where near Bella's house," Jasper said. He stroked Alice's hair and kissed her forehead, worrying that the strain was too much for her. "There _was_ a vampire there, though. His scent was on the bodies. He must have killed them and tied them up that way. If anything, we know that Victoria's working with a new friend, an immortal friend. Edward's right. Forks has become too dangerous. It's time to move on."

"Where will we go?"

Carlisle stood and moved to the window. His thoughts were tired and still worried. The thing that I always admire about Carlisle's mind, though, was that he never questioned or complained about his role as the one who would come up with the answers. "Back to Alaska," he said, confidently. "At least in the beginning." Esme nodded, wondering if the house would be suitable for Bella. She had designed it for us, a group of vampires. She was wondering about the heating system.

"When will we leave?" she asked. Carlisle sighed.

"As soon as we can. Alice?"

Alice grew still and thawed out quickly, though she was disturbed over how fuzzy the future had become. "The police will call in about ten minutes. They'll want Bella to come identify the bodies. If we leave before that, they'll think we kidnapped her. She has to go—"

A rush of anger shot through me and I glared at her. Was she crazy? Did she actually think that I would let Bella back into the presence of her dead mother and stepfather? "Absolutely not." Alice shook her head and skipped forward in time. She showed me a shadowy image of Bella, a determined grimace on her face.

"You see it just as well as I do, Edward. She'll be okay."

Irrelevant. I had done the wrong thing too many times before. I could not afford to make another mistake. "I said no. Find another solution. Personally, I don't care if they think we kidnapped her. None of us will be back in any of their lifetimes. They won't find us." Rosalie hissed from her spot on the other side of the room, ignoring Emmett's cautioning hand on her arm.

"Bella is not more important than the well being of this entire family!" she snapped. "We don't leave stories behind. Ever."

Rosalie was starting to get on my nerves. Her love of confrontation was starting to get in my way. "Find. Another. Solution," I ground out. "I won't put her through that."

"Put me through what?"

Bella stepped carefully down the stairs, eyes on her feet as she went. Hair was still damp, leaving a wet patch on the familiar old sweatshirt she had pulled on. Only once she reached the couch and sat down next to me did she look up at our faces. She sat an arms length away, too far for me to touch her. I did not close the distance. It was still important for me to be careful with her.

"Put me through what?" she said again, once she had determined that no one was going to say anything. All of their eyes were on me, waiting for me to answer the question, whether those eyes be grudging or understanding. Everything about Bella was my choice and always would be. I shot Alice a nasty look. This was all her fault. It hardly mattered, though.

"Sweetheart, it doesn't matter. I'll take care of it."

Abruptly, something changed in Bella's expression. I couldn't quite place it, her face remained just as smooth as before. Jasper sensed it and looked up sharply at her, surprised.

"Don't," she said and then stopped. Whatever changed on her face disappeared or changed back. Jasper sat up straighter and Bella's gaze flickered toward him automatically. Her tone softened. "Don't speak to me like a child, please. I don't want you to take care of it. I want you to tell me what it is." For a second, I almost wanted to laugh. It seemed that she was back in full force, stubbornness and all. Alice smiled, her thoughts running along the same lines.

"The police will call in approximately two minutes, wanting you to come and identify the bodies. Edward doesn't want you to go," she told her. Bella blinked slowly and then said the one thing I never would have expected to come out of her mouth.

"I want to go."

Maybe Alice wasn't crazy. Bella was crazy.

"No," I snapped, a knee-jerk reaction. Bella drew a sharp breath and that change came back to her. Both Jasper and I identified it simultaneously. Anger. But again, she seemed to have repressed it just as soon as she felt it.

"It isn't your choice, Edward. It's mine." She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and began fiddling with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. It was both endearing and heartbreaking. I had missed her so much, but I wasn't allowed to touch her, to comfort her the way I wanted to. "Look, I know I was kind of… checked out for a while there, and I'm so sorry for making you worry about me, but I'm okay now," she said, mostly looking at me. She glanced down again. "I guess you could say Jacob snapped me out of it," she mumbled. I growled almost inaudibly. Almost. Before she could protest, I reached out, tilting her face up so that I could see into her eyes.

"What did he say to you?" Her face paled and she spoke to a spot somewhere above my forehead. I leaned closer and she leaned away.

"A few things that I needed to hear. Don't ask me any more about it, please." _Look at me_, I wanted to beg. I wanted her to be _my_ Bella again. I wanted her to let me touch her and comfort her and for her to _ask_ me to do those things, not hide the pain. She was acting as if… as if…

_As if she were afraid of me._

"I won't. Just… just think about this before you agree to do it, sweetheart. " Again, the anger flared up and died behind her eyes. I backtracked quickly while Jasper leaned forward, intrigued and disturbed all in one.

'_Edward, can I talk to you?' _he thought pointedly. I glanced at him fleetingly and gave a short nod, otherwise ignoring him.

"Please," I added hastily. "Please think about it." I let her pull away and let my hand drop limply back to my lap, determined not to push her too far.

"I've already decided," she told me firmly. This time, it was Carlisle who moved forward. As always, his word would be the final judgment. I hoped for some kind of refusal from him, but that was not Carlisle's way. He nodded instead.

"You're sure? If you do this, you are doing something great for our family, but we don't want you to put yourself in pain this way."

Bella stared determinedly into Carlisle's eyes. Of course she remembered how things in the Cullen family worked. All she'd have to do was convince Carlisle and she would have her way. "I need to go. I need to be able to say goodbye to them. I didn't get that chance with Charlie." Her voice sounded strained, as if she were struggling for her composure. Across the room, Jasper inhaled sharply.

The phone was too noisy as it rang in Carlisle's pocket. He nodded toward Bella and then turned back to the window to speak to the police, so set up the appointment for Bella. It seemed that the police wanted to question Bella after she identified them. I growled sharply and Carlisle waved a hand at me without turning around. He was a little bit insulted that I would think that he would agree to something like that, or so he thought at me. Through all of this, Bella took an absurd amount of interest in tucking her legs under her and folding her arms around herself, staring fixedly at her lap and the couch as she did this.

Across the room, Jasper pressed a kiss to Alice's ear and whispered, "Watch over Bella for a moment. I need to talk to Edward." Alice smiled and gave him a peck on the lips before she stood and danced her way over to the couch. Jasper stood too and tilted his head toward the upstairs. _'It's urgent and about Bella,'_ he thought as he passed, fully expecting me to follow him. I shook my head, but I did so, trailing my fingers over Bella's shoulder as I passed. To my surprise, she leaned into my touch, something she used to do before and I couldn't help but to smile. It was like a sign, one I had been praying for for so long. She was going to be okay.

She had to be.

"What is it, Jasper?" I asked as we reached the second landing. Jasper just shook his head and nodded toward his and Alice's room. I shrugged and followed him in. He did not want our family to overhear him, he thought that what he had to say would upset them. Only once the door had slid closed behind us did he allow himself to think of why he needed to speak with me. I let him speak it aloud.

"There is something wrong with Bella," he told me in a low voice

I arched an eyebrow at him. "You're putting it a bit harshly, don't you think? Of course, she may be a bit… off after all she's been through—"

Jasper cut me off, eyes careful. "That's not what I'm talking about. I mean that there's something _wrong_ with her. Something about the way she is acting— is _feeling_ rather— isn't adding up."

"What are you talking about?"

"You saw it too. You were surprised by it. But you couldn't have sensed it the way that I did. Something about… about the way you spoke to her, whatever you said to her made her angry. Edward, it made her _furious_. And then, whatever she was feeling, she just made it stop just like that. She felt worried for just a second and then nothing, she was numb again. I think she may be trying to hide something from us."

I laughed dryly. Hiding? With Jasper monitoring her emotions, Alice watching her every step in the future, and the rest of us watching and listening to every move she makes in the present, Bella _couldn't_ hide anything. None of us could. It was a part of being a Cullen. "I think you may be misinterpreting the signs," I told him. Jasper pursed his lips and shook his head. He thought that I was being naïve, that I was too blinded by my relief to have her safely back with me. I rolled my eyes. "So what if I am glad to have her safe?" I snapped. A wave of calm drowned my ire as quickly as it rose.

'_Because you now are blind to the danger she's in now.'_ As usual with Jasper, I knew that I should be angry with him for the comment, and I wanted to be, but his will kept me at a cool observance. Jasper shook his head. "All I can be sure of is that something is not right. Tread carefully, Edward. She is easily broken at this point. That much I can still sense."

"She isn't weak. She's doing better," I retorted stubbornly. Jasper snorted.

"Don't be stupid, Edward. For some reason, she wants you to _think_ she's doing better. And knowing Bella, whatever she's hiding is not likely to be in her best interest. Being weak and being vulnerable are two different things. I'm just telling you to be mindful."

Just then, the light, fluttering sound of Alice's footsteps began up the stairs. Within seconds, there was a muted knock at the door and Jasper went to hold it open for her. I knew why she was there when she looked into my eyes and my jaw clenched at the very idea. But I would do this her way if it was really what she wanted. Alice opened her mouth to speak, but I held up a hand to stop her.

"I know, I hear, it's fine. Tell her it's fine, that she can go alone," I told her, aware of how clipped and angry my tone was. Alice raised an eyebrow at me skeptically.

"That's what you want me to tell her, but…"

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. "I've been doing things my way for a long time. If she needs this, then she can have it…" I sighed again, suddenly feeling a strange, mental fatigue that our kind experienced very rarely. "Maybe she just needs some space. You and Emmett shadow her and tell him to be discreet," I murmured and left the room. I didn't want to hear the thoughts. I didn't want to hear their pity. "I'll be out, hunting. I won't go far. Call if anything happens."

I didn't want to hear how wrong I was.

-!-

The sun was just starting to sink below the horizon when I got the call.

_Pzzzt. Pzzzt_

I only glanced at the caller ID before answering it. "Bel—?"

"_I've made a decision."_

It was Bella's voice and so much of her tone.

"_Alice probably only knows about it right now. I just decided just now."_

I could hear the sound of waves in the background. She was upset, but wasn't letting me hear. She didn't know I always knew. She wouldn't let me help. "Okay…" I murmured, calm now that I was sure she was safe. "What is it?"

"_I was going to come back and say it in person, but I decided I'm too much of a coward." _She breathed a little chuckle of laughter. _"I held on for a while, stubborn, you know. I just wanted to believe… but I'm done now. It's just like Jacob said. Can you imagine? I think Jacob Black actually knew me better than you did."_

She laughed again. My phone beeped, there was another incoming call. Alice.

"_If you switch lines, you'll never see me again. If it sounds like you're running, you'll never see me again. Is that Alice calling?" _

No.

"Where are you?"

"_I'm in La Push. At the top of a cliff. Did you know, I jumped off of this cliff just a few months after you left? I was trying to hear your voice… I almost died, but Jacob was there. He pulled me out. That was the first time he kissed me. Is that a little bit perverted? Jacob and I first kissed, all because I was hanging on so desperately to a _hallucination_ of your _voice_!" _Again that laugh. I was frozen in place, terrified that she would hear the slightest breeze through the trees and be lost. She could follow the treaty line for miles, stick close to one of the dogs, disappear. I could lose her. I could lose her again.

"Bella… sweetheart. Let me come get you. Just… just cross the line and let's talk, for just a moment."

"_We're talking now."_

"You aren't thinking clearly, love. You're still in shock. Just let one of us come get you."

"_Come and get me? For what? I've played your game for long enough. I'm done now. I'm _tired_. So I'm ending this on my terms. I won't sit locked in your room, waiting for you to leave me. You'll find another plaything soon enough. And you'll forget all about little human Isabella Marie Swan."_

Since when could Bella sound so cold? Where had she learned to clip the end of her words in such a way? Where did she get so much anger? But I understood.

"Listen to me. I am never going to leave you. Just come back over the border and we can talk about this. I love you, Bella, you know I do. I could never forget you, I'd rather die!"

"_I'm leaving, and you can't stop me. I do not belong to you." _

I grimaced. "What about Victoria? She won't stop hunting, Bella. And she will not kill you quickly. You need protection. Please, come back. We'll… work something out. We'll set you up in an apartment or a house, you won't see us unless you call. Bella—"

"_No. I don't need you." _

A cold flare of anger bubbled upward inside of me. I snarled and struck outward with my fist. The nearest tree gave a startling crack. "You aren't invincible, Bella, I think you've proved that. I will not let you put yourself in danger again. You can't leave."

"_You sound like me."_

"I'll follow you. Alice will help me, between the two of us—

"_I'm going to a place where none of you can follow me. And I'm leaving really soon. Alice probably already knows, she'll try to stop me. It all depends on how long she'll waste trying to contact you. Not very long, I'm pretty sure." _

I grit my teeth. "And how will you get there? Do you still have Jasper's car?" I asked. Bella laughed, suddenly mirthful again.

"_I'm going to jump." _

No.

"_I took Carlisle's pills a while ago… but I don't want any of the kids around here to find me tomorrow."_

**No.**

"_Goodbye, Edward."_

"**No!"** Stall, stall, I had to stall. "No! Please, just… just wait. Just… just tell me you love me. Say you love me one more time, Bella." I just had to stall until Alice got there. The border be damned, she would break the treaty for Bella, just as I would, just as my entire family would. But I couldn't call her. I had to keep Bella talking. "Please, Bella."

For a terrible moment there was no response. And then, _my_ Bella's voice came, softly. _"After you promised me forever, after you abandoned me alone in the woods, after loving Jacob, after all of the guilt, after he left me, after Victoria, after the rape, after the pain, after my __**father,**__ my __**mother, **__and __**Phil**__ all of them __**dead**__… after all of that… I still love you, Edward Cullen. I love you with all of the little bit of heart I have left between you and Jacob. But not you. You. Don't. Want. Me. And I still love you. And I hate you for it."_

There was a crack. She'd dropped the phone. Faintly, I could hear someone screaming Bella's name in Alice's sweet soprano. The cry sounded capable of renting the world in two. I couldn't move, it was all collapsing in around me. Of all the horrors I had imagined for my Bella, all of the fears I'd had for her, I'd never imagined her suicide.

And I'd driven her to it.


	8. Chapter 7 ::Ashes::

Chapter 7 :Ashes:

Of my death, I know by heart every last detail.

I jumped. I'd said all of the goodbyes that I was able to say, that I was strong enough to say, and more. There were tears when Edward left me. There were tears when Jacob left me. But when I left him, there were no tears. There was no weak lament. Only three simple words.

I hate you.

It wouldn't hurt him the way it hurt me, of course, but it would have to suffice. I was at peace— I was happy. I had control again, if only in the time and place and process of my death. I almost laughed. I think I may have but the wind in my ears and a strange, piercing wail was all I could really hear. Edward would be angry. I was taking away the toy he had spent so long cultivating. I wasn't his anymore. I belonged to no one.

The water was calm as I breathed deeply. I could never put a number on how long it took for the darkness to spread from the bare fringes of my vision to obscure it all and then to wash through my body, swaddling me in the cold. But it felt beautiful.

It had been so long since I had experienced beauty.

And then, in an instant, the world was back, sharp and ugly.

-!-

"She's breathing."

"It won't be enough."

"How many pills did you see her take?"

"Fourteen. The bottle is empty."

"Then there isn't much time. She needs the hospital, her stomach needs to be pumped now."

The peace, the calm, the darkness surged inward in a sharp backlash, pooling somewhere in the pit of my abdomen and then surged out of my throat. I was forced onto my side by unyielding hands, probably so I wouldn't just drown again on the water I was coughing up.

"No," I whispered as I wrenched my eyes open. I had waited there, on the edge, for too long. I had reveled in my decision for too long. Carlisle knelt at my side, fingers at my pulse. Alice stood on my other side, watching the line of trees behind Carlisle. Carlisle's face was stricken and tight and his gaze was fixed on my wounds and then on the ocean behind me. And then, it was as if the cool darkness had heated into searing fury inside of me. They had decided to interfere this intimately in my life, but they would not meet my eyes? I grabbed at Carlisle's wrist and yanked weakly at it. "I said," I rasped, "no. Throw me back into the ocean. Right now."

Carlisle's shoulder may have twitched minutely. But I will never know for sure. All I know is that his demeanor, his expression of cool, calm control never wavered. And it infuriated me even more. "Bella," he soothed as I attempted to lurch upward and almost blacked out again from the pain, "Bella… just let us help—"

"I don't want your help!" Alice was nothing but a statue, though I could hear her heavy breathing even over the waves. "You can't force me to live," I snarled, hating the weakness of my voice. The tears were starting in earnest now.

"Be reasonable, Bella," he tried again, that same manufactured imploring in his voice. But I was not prey to vampire tricks anymore. "Think of what your death would do to Edward."

"Is that all I am to you?" My hands clenched into fists and I turned my head to cough again. "Will you keep me locked away in Edward's room? Or strapped down to a chair or a bed? Build me a glass cage, make it out of gold, fill it with cushions and treats so that you can fool yourself into thinking you've done me a favor, you've given me the world. All so Edward can peek through the bars. He can't come back and claim me after he threw me away. It doesn't work that way."

Alice made a strange sound and clutched her stomach. Her voice was flat when she spoke next. "The hospital will not be enough, Carlisle. Her heart will stop."

Carlisle had reached out to stroke my forehead. "Bella—"

"Time is running out, Carlisle," Alice interrupted. The world was starting to tilt and my body started to ache, but I refused to cry out. I had heard that an overdose was a horrible way to die, but if I could bear it in silence, I could get what I wanted while they squabbled with each other. Their words began to skip over me in a frantic buzz that I could barely decipher.

"And your vision? Has anything changed?"

"There is only one alternative. But Bella always dies. We are too late."

Carlisle turned his gaze away from me and stared across the ocean.

"What must we do to keep Edward?"

"She must become one of us."

"Edward will be angry."

"His anger will keep his mind on making things work here. The Volturi will no longer be an option. He will be obligated."

"Bella will be angry."

"Bella will forgive us."

The clenching, ripping pain in my abdomen was making it hard to force any sound past my lips, but I managed. "I will never forgive you."

Alice's voice betrayed no emotion as she said quietly to Carlisle, "Give her the morphine before."

There was a prick.

The darkness was back.

-!-

In all, I burned for four days. They all kept lamenting over the fact. Carlisle thought it may have been because of the abundance of drugs in my system, but then, Jasper had apparently turned a number of seventeenth century drug addicts and never seen a transformation go much longer than seventy-two hours.

I was imprisoned and silent the first day, immobilized by the morphine they had pumped into me. But I still felt every second, heard every voice. They thought that they were gracious, saving me in such an unexpected way from the pain. Emmett was even annoyed. Apparently, he would have had morphine for his own transformation if his skin had not crystallized so quickly. He envied me. Jasper probably knew the truth. He insisted on remaining by my side when no one else was available, a rare occurrence on that first day. Although, Edward seemed unable to face my changing corpse for prolonged periods, and he stayed away for the most part. This relieved me. This infuriated me.

But then, after a day and a half of silence, the morphine burned away. I could move again. I could scream again. And the ones who I would have expected to be by my side, Edward, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, all faded away, until the only two Cullens who had never really liked me were the only ones who sat by my bedside.

I remember that after a day and a half of the agony, I was more desperate than ever to end it all. It had been Rosalie that time, sitting next to me, talking just to talk. I was grateful for it. It was infinitely better than the times when I was alone with only the silence and the fire for company. I did not like the things the fire whispered as it destroyed my already broken body and repaired it all in one. Rosalie's nonsense babble drowned it out.

Except for that day.

I remember clearly realizing that there was an old ink pen within reach. The next instant the tip of the pen had carved a neat slash in my (miraculously) vulnerable skin. I'm not stupid though. I knew I couldn't kill myself. I was most likely too far along in my change and Carlisle was never too far away even if I could have died. It was worth a try with Rosalie there though. Most likely she would not care enough to resist.

Unfortunately, blood did not issue from the wound. Instead, a thick, viscous sludge seeped from the cut. It smelled strongly of sticky sweetness and I felt nauseous at the sight of it. Even as I watched it the skin seemed to sew itself back together, seamless. Rosalie refused to sit by me after that.

The fire began its whispering again.

An eternity later, Carlisle came to sit at my bedside.

"Isabella," he began softly, though firmly. I had tired myself out with the screaming. There was no need for him to try to shout over me. "Rosalie works hard to control herself and her thirst. What you did was cruel."

I almost wanted to laugh. He was trying to scold me.

"What you're doing to me is cruel." Carlisle looked pained. Perfect martyr.

"I know you're angry with me, Bella. But Rosalie has done nothing—"

"Rosalie has done no more or less than any other Cullen," I snapped.

"We have never done anything but try and help you, Isabella," he murmured.

"You were playing God. Like father, like son…"

Carlisle looked like he was going to argue for a moment, but then he just sighed and looked at me. He rose and left and I was alone. They probably kept Jasper away, afraid that I would try the same stunt again.

So I stopped fighting and listened to the fire. It at least never pretended to be anything other than a fire.

* * *

This was just a quick interlude chapter, more for characterization than anything else. I hope y'all liked it.


	9. Chapter 8 ::Awakening::

Okay, bad news... I took a long time to update again and I'm SOO sorry about that. Also, next year I start school as an official International Baccalaureate student and I'll be taking six college level classes... and my only highschool level class is French III... all of that translates into not a lot of time left for writing. But I REFUSE to let school suck everything I love out of my schedule! I'll still be around, I swear.

On the slightly weird news, I now understand what people mean about characters taking on a life of their own. I had planned on a little bit of Bella being difficult and then to go straight into a heart-breaking scene where she forgives everyone in desperation to have their help piecing herself back together, but then Uncontrolable-Newborn-Bella kept threatening to kill me in the back of my mind for making her look like such a weakling. I tried to fight with her for like three days before I finally just sat back and let her do what she wanted to do... this is what came out, basically. I hope you all like it ^_^ (if not, it's Bella's fault, not mine)

Chapter 8 :Awakening:

There's not much that I care to remember about Bella's last moments.

As a vampire she would be unique, perhaps almost one of a kind. She had lived for years in the land of myths and nightmares. She had been presented with a choice. She knew the consequences. No matter how her choice was regarded (or disregarded) she will be one of the few who knew from the beginning.

Her passing, however, was not unlike the rest of ours. Her heart fluttered faster than a hummingbird's, fighting desperately until the last. She clawed at her chest, where the pain would be the most intense. The last of her flowing blood stained her tears pink. She called out for her mother.

Once her heart stuttered to a stop, she lay motionless. We were content to wait until she was ready. It is, after all, a disorienting, frightening experience to suddenly be thrust into a world of so much more sensation after your universe has been narrowed only to agony and darkness. I expected it to be an entire minute before she would "awaken". I wish I could have more time, but I had already been gifted with an extra day in her transformation. It was time to face her. As an equal. No one expected to be easy.

It was a bitter winter midnight in 1918 when I awoke from my change. I broke away from Carlisle quickly (he had been younger, with less experience with newborns) and slaughtered a cow. Rosalie was about the same, and Emmett tried his hardest to slaughter _me_ as he demanded that I return the "angel" to him. Jasper's head was full of memories and his body covered with scars, all attesting to the unpredictability, the violence of newborn vampires. Something about the change stripped them of anything but their basest instincts. According to Jasper's memories, after half an hour and a stomach full of blood, newborns were capable of calm reason and could speak without blatant hostility. It sounded about right. It had taken Rosalie a lot longer.

It was with this in mind that our family gathered to witness Bella's rebirth. Esme, Alice, and Rosalie had been directed toward the back of the room, where they stood without protest. Emmett and Jasper stood in front of them, already half-crouched and worrying at the fact that Alice's visions were hazy at best. Finally, I stood with Carlisle right next to her bedside. No one moved, nor twitched, not even a breath was drawn. I didn't need my gift to know that they were just as afraid as I was. Some of them were, at least.

Emmett, Jasper, and Esme were worried. For their mates, for their family, for Bella, and for me. Especially for Bella and I. Their consciences, however, were clean. Rosalie was outraged. Carlisle was conflicted. He had spent hours during Bella's change, alone in his office, dreading, planning, and always, always analyzing. He searched with a frenzy for an alternative he could have taken, and then justification of what he had already done. He'd tried to find that forgiveness in Bella, but pain and rage had been all she could offer. Alice joined me as I burned. The three of us hoped that she would bring forgiveness when she awakened.

I knew, of course, the mind games she'd played that had ended in this. And Alice knew that I knew. She made no attempt to shield her deceit and conniving. She wanted me to be angry with her. Like Carlisle, she sought penance and like Carlisle, she would not get what she wanted. I didn't have anything for her. I'd spent the first two days of Bella's transformation in a rage, storming through the darkest, most deserted areas of the Olympic Range. Once I was ready to rejoin my family, I was already preparing myself to focus all of my energies on Bella. She would need me just as much as before, though this time her physical needs were much less. There would be time to deal with Alice in a few years. We had time now. All of us had all of the time in eternity

Bella, though, apparently did not want an eternity with us.

I had not noticed how her hair had grown over the four days. It fanned about her as she lunged forward and slammed her open palm into my chest. Bella never knew how to fight, but the strength, the surprise of the blow was enough. She was past me, then Carlisle, then Emmett before my feet could find ground again. I heard Emmett and Carlisle both, shouting for the girls and Esme to get out of the way. They all obeyed, except for Rosalie, who hesitated. She doubted that Bella was an actual threat. She received a crushing blow for her trouble and crumpled.

"No, no, _no!_" I growled as I sprang to my feet and shot off, quickly at her heels. "Isabella, _stop!"_ She was fast, but she couldn't match me. I still held that edge. She didn't pause to open the door, but tumbled through it with a ripping crash and I cursed. I had been counting on a distraction, I wasn't sure if I could catch her before she hit the trees, where I would no longer be able to see her so easily and her scent would mix and blend with that of the forest. With a snarl I lunged and managed to snag her around her waist. I threw her bodily back toward the house, wincing, where Emmett caught her, his massive arms pinning her arms to her side and holding her off of the ground. There didn't seem to be a need anymore, though. Bella had frozen into an ice sculpture once more.

Carlisle stepped forward, frowning his uniquely nonjudgmental frown. He seemed sad, agelessly sad. Without hesitation, he reached out to place a restraining hand on Bella's shoulder, ignoring the incredulous looks around him (mine included). Bella could easily take his arm from this angle.

She didn't. She managed to thaw slightly only to flinch away from his touch. Gently, Carlisle reached forward to tilt Bella's face up toward him (Though he moved slowly— the way one moved when faced with someone dangerous and irrational.) and we got our first look at the changed Isabella Cullen.

I had come to her sparingly during her transformation, usually only when she was the most delirious with pain, and so I was not accustomed to her new body. Her skin positively shone, milky and pure, especially where her hair lay against it. It had lengthened and the color had deepened and intensified. It fanned fell just past her shoulders now, just as pin straight as the day I laid eyes on her. Her face and body were still thin from her months of starvation, but the change had taken her from skinny to waif-like, though I knew the crushing power that was concealed by the vulnerable façade.

Her eyes were in complete conflict with her body, which called to be protected. Her eyes— which were a shade of crimson no darker, no more menacing than any other of our kind— were alight with loathing. Her eyes were bitter, frozen and uncompromising and _furious _and they were _not_ of my Bella.

"Why did you run?" Carlisle asked her quietly. Bella sneered back at him.

"You won't let me go?" she asked in a matching tone, but there was an audible undercurrent of something much more sinister in Bella's voice. Rosalie shifted forward, practically hanging off of the front porch, while Esme begged Carlisle silently to step out of Bella's range.

"You aren't thinking rationally, Bella. Try to remember—"

"I remember _everything_," Bella snapped. "Answer my question."

Carlisle did not flinch, did not step away. I could hear the indecision in his mind. He was dealing with a hostile vampire, a newborn at that, who was to be dealt with firmly and with a strong will. But he was also dealing with _Bella_, whom he had done wrong and surely needed an understanding father figure. Finally, he hardened the slightest bit and retorted, "Answer mine."

I held my breath again while Emmett braced himself for Bella's rage. Carlisle was pushing more than he had ever pushed with any of us as newborns. My family couldn't understand it, but I could. It was because Bella was different. As newborns, the rest of us had been disoriented, new, _afraid, _and our fear bound us to Carlisle, at least until we were under control. Bella, on the other hand, knew this world and did not fear it. She would leave before she was ready and she would regret it. And we would regret it.

How had it all become so complicated?

But, the raging did not come. I couldn't understand it… instead, Bella and Carlisle stared at each other for another long moment, before Bella narrowed her eyes. "I knew you wouldn't let me go." She leaned to the side almost imperceptibly, a test, to which Carlisle shadowed her movement even more subtly than she. Emmett didn't even notice the exchange. "And I want to go. Will you try and stop me? You are, after all, my creator. Not my owner. My _father_. Not my jailor," she sneered. Carlisle's frown etched its way deeper and he stepped away, letting his hand fall.

"When you are older and thinking like yourself once more, I will explain it to you. For now—"

"You know, I've actually had enough of arrogant, self-important _vampires_ who _tell_ me when I am or am not thinking like myself." She lurched forward, pulling Emmett along as if he were nothing. Carlisle finally took a swift step backward while Emmett swore and strained to pull her back again. "There is _nothing_ here that I want to be a part of, understand? So, Let. Me. Go!"

And there, here, was my greatest fear. I watched, stricken, as the monster, _my_ monster, reared up in her eyes, snarled with her mouth. I saw the darkest, most vile, disgusting part of myself in my Bella. I saw the rage, and hatred, and this was _not_ how she was _ever_ meant to be!

"Stop!"

And she did. Every muscle went rigid, stone-like and suddenly immovable. Four gazes turned to me, shocked, but not hers. Her eyes were locked on Carlisle still. Why, suddenly, did she avoid my gaze? I ignored the anger and that came along with the hurt. "Stop it, Bella," I said. I took a step, hesitating all the way. "You _know_ what is happening to you. You're stronger—"

"You don't know anything about me, Edward Cullen."

Clean. Expressionless. It was the tone of some other girl, stunningly beautiful, but whose heart was as hard and cold as my skin. "What?"

She moved then. She threw Emmett off of her as if he were nothing, maybe an irksome fly. Rosalie hissed and moved as if she would intervene, but Esme held her back. Finally, she turned to look at me.

And there was nothing there. When I looked into Bella's eyes, _my_ Bella, there was _everything_. I felt hot and cold. I saw the sun, the stars, waves breaking on the horizon. I saw the life I had lived, the life I could have lived without her, and I saw the life she could— she _would_— give me. Everything that was pure and changing, sweet and red, warm and brown, I saw it in Bella's eyes.

I used to.

"I said, you don't know anything about me. I mean really, how long did we know each other? Not even an entire year. That's not very much when you compare it to a hundred or even just seventeen. So, we need to stop talking as if we're all childhood pals. You don't know me, Edward Cullen, and I don't know you." She took two steps toward me, quick and challenging, though her face was still smooth. Deliberately smooth. "A phase, right, Edward? Or was it a _distraction_?"

I think I paled even more in that moment. Slowly, the emptiness in her expression began to fill. It started with the set of her jaw, and then her lips pulled back in the slightest of snarls. Flames made purely of ice and fury danced in her eyes. And as her hatred bled through the cracks in the wall, the others' thoughts began to question, to pull at my concentration. I'd never told them the story. I'd never told them the lies I'd told her. They were confused, and concerned by the intensity of Bella's anger.

"Stop it, Bella," I told her. Bella snarled loudly.

"You weren't just some fucking phase to me, though. I gave you _everything_. I gave you my— my thoughts! I gave you my feelings! I gave you Bella— the _real_ Bella. I gave you my _tears,_ Edward Cullen! Can you even… can you even grasp what I gave you?

"And don't you _dare_ try to cheapen that." Eyes narrow, chin raised. "Do you know how many men would have loved me? Would have fought to have me? Do you know how many men chased me once you were out of the way?" She leaned forward. "Do you know what I could have given you? I gave you everything I had, and still I had an eternity's worth more. And I gave it to you because you _promised me._"

Closer and closer she drifted while my family allowed it, too stunned to stop her. I thought that when she touched me (her palm flat against my chest) that it would feel exactly like her stare. Either I would feel cold and hated or nothing at all. But her touch… damn me, her touch still ignited me the way it had in the past. I yearned for someone that I feared no longer existed.

"You're disgusting," she hissed as she leaned even closer, her lips brushing against the skin of my neck as she spoke. Pleasure at such long-missed contact and pain melded in my mind until I felt weak. "Did you like the look on my face when you left me in the forest? Do my _tears _smell as good as my _blood_? Did you like it when I begged? You sadistic son-of-a-bitch, I was good! I was beautiful and happy and loving and innocent and _good_ and you _broke me, _just so you could take you mind off of the fact that you're a goddamned monster.

"Then, years after you ruin my life, your demented family decides that you're a bit too depressed, so they'll deliver your favorite toy, immortal, indestructible, and scotch-guarded to boot? Fuck you!"

Suddenly, Rosalie broke from the group, her form blurring in her rage. Before I could draw breath to warn her away she had inserted herself between Bella and me. I blinked and heard the sharp smack of two rocks colliding and suddenly there was a new picture frozen in time. Bella stumbled back, Rosalie leaned forward.

"We saved your worthless, human life. Twice," Rosalie growled.

"You fucking ruined my life!"

"You think you're such a _martyr_, Bella, when my brother has been—"

"You pompous bitch! I'm not his toy!"

Oddly enough, Rosalie broke first. It was hard to notice, the way Bella's snarls echoed the way they did and her teeth bared the way they were, but Rosalie definitely lunged first, her own delicate-looking lips pulled back over her teeth. They sounded like a pair of tigers, snarling, growling, hissing, with the crack of smashing boulders and some profanity intermingled. And it all happened in half the time it took to blink.

"Damn it, Emmett, grab Rosalie!"

Jasper came out of no where and snatched Bella from the twisting bundle (almost like the fight clouds on those old cartoons. It wasn't funny at all in person.), but Rosalie was just as much of a problem as Bella at that point. She slipped through Emmett's arms and grabbed a handful of Bella's hair. Jasper was an expert in combat, but there was no way he could handle the extreme strength of a newborn and the experience of a mature vampire. I dove in with Emmett and Carlisle, all of us just fighting to separate the two.

"That's _enough_!"

It ended just as suddenly as it started, as things often worked in my family. Emmett and Carlisle had managed to drag Rosalie all the way back to the edge of the porch and Esme had stepped into her line of vision to separate her more fully from Bella. At the edge of the forest, Jasper had Bella pinned to a tree, his own razor sharp teeth inches from her throat. He kept up a barely audible growl in her ear, a warning. In his mind, it was the only kind of reason a newborn like her could fully understand. Threats and danger.

Jasper was annoyed. Alice hadn't seen this happening, not until seconds before it finally occurred. He was beginning to doubt how well her vision could track a newborn, impulsive as they were. Without taking his eyes off of Bella he reached backward into the forest to take Alice's hand. She came to his side.

"If you leave this clearing, Sara Grey will die. She's a high school student in Healy. You'll kill her in seven hours and fourteen minutes if you leave this clearing."

Alice's voice was high, clear, and afraid, and she watched Bella with wide eyes. She was badly shaken by what she had seen and by what she had not. Bella and Rosalie paid no attention though, mouthing soundlessly at one another.

"There'll be no way to reign in the bloodlust once it's loose and you're among humans. You'll decimate the entire city if no one is there to stop you, if _we_ aren't there to stop you. Is that what you want, Bella?"

Suddenly, Bella focused on Alice. "Are you telling the truth this time?" she answered. To her credit, Alice did not flinch.

"There are no lies or secrets within our family," she said.

"You mean your family."

Alice smiled a sad, tiny smile and tapped the side of her head. "Our family, Bella."

Jasper twitched ever so slightly while in his mind he strained against the strength of Bella's emotion and the energy it took to neutralize it. The growling got louder.

"I'm leaving," Bella said through her teeth. Jasper just shook his head grimly. His patience was unusually short.

"So, you're willing to use another human being's life to buy your freedom? You've become selfish. We won't let you pay that price. No," he cut across her as she opened her mouth to retort. "I don't care what you think of me for "controlling" you like that. That's what friends do. They keep you from making stupid decisions."

She was restless, her eyes bounced from one vampire to another, but Jasper's prescense and power kept her pinned in place. For one perverse moment, I wanted to laugh. I could practically see the thoughts running around in her head.

"Fine… fine. How long until I can control it the way you all can?"

Alice laughed dryly to herself. "A year, Bella. Barely a day now that you're one of us. And then you can go, if you still want. Not even Edward will try to stop you."

_That_ made her stop. She stared at Alice and then turned, the full force of her attention, on me. It was unnerving.

"Is that true?" Behind Bella's back, Alice nodded slightly.

'_The answer is yes, Edward. The full truth will get you nothing but a tantrum,' _she thought. I understood. In a year's time, if Bella wanted to leave, I wouldn't stop her. I would follow her for the rest of my life, strive to prove myself for eternity. But I wouldn't stop her.

"It is. I give you my word." I wasn't lying to her, not really. Like Alice said, the truth would upset her for no reason.

Bella smiled and again I found nothing familiar in it. "Your word doesn't mean much to me, Edward. It doesn't mean anything at all, actually. Just know, if you _do_ try to stop me, I'll kill you."

I suddenly registered the pain blooming from my forearm. I glanced down and found a delicate line of the crescent scars that criss-crossed all along Jasper's body. Absently, I flexed my hands, looking at Rosalie and Bella both from the corners of my eyes. There was no way to tell which one of them had done it, but Bella's smile looked especially satisfied. Surprised and satisfied. Surprised and satisfied and an ounce of unease.

Right then, I _finally_ understood what was happening. I had exactly one year to pull Bella back from the edge. If I failed she would destroy herself.

And she would probably take me with her.


End file.
